Why More Emotion Words Make It Worse (with Michelle & Kurt)

About this episode

Michelle and Kurt discuss the impact of emotional language on relationships and share their journey of improving their marriage through Connection Codes.

Michelle and Kurt have been married since 1999 — and they're the first to tell you that "together a long time" isn't the same as "doing well." In this conversation, they share the moment Connection Codes stopped being a book on their shelf and started reorganizing their marriage. Michelle, a relationship coach herself, names something most of us have felt but never said out loud: that all the colorful language and long paragraphs were just a means to one simple end — to matter. This is a real-time look at what happens when a long-married couple stops trying to be understood and starts letting themselves be regarded. In this episode: Why "more emotion words" can actually make you more dysregulated (and what to do instead) The "two junkyard dogs" season — and how Connection Codes opened a door out of it Why repeating back what your partner said keeps missing the point The dam break: why things often feel worse before they get better Trauma isn't the event — it's that no one regarded you afterward Befriending shame and guilt as "text messages from God" Michelle's metaphor: emotion as a corked bottle of rubbing alcohol About Michelle…

People in this episode

Guests: Michelle, Kurt

Topics covered

• emotional communication
• marriage dynamics
• relationship coaching
• trauma and regard
• shame and guilt

Keywords

• emotion words
• dysregulation
• marriage
• Connection Codes
• relationship coaching
• trauma
• shame
• guilt

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Connection Codes

Places: Seattle

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