About this episode

Todd McGuire discusses his experiences with grief, trauma, and the emotional toll of working undercover as a detective.

This episode I'm joined by Todd McGuire from Queensland, Australia, a mental health advocate, former undercover detective, and author of the memoir Donny: An Undercover Cop with a Death Wish. Todd opens up about his life before policing, growing up in a loving home with no major trauma, and how everything changed after the devastating suicide of his partner, Karen, on New Year’s Day in 2000 while her young son was in the home. He shares the heartbreaking moments that followed, the guilt he carried for years, and how that loss shaped the course of his life and mental health. Todd speaks candidly about turning to alcohol and risky behavior to cope with his grief while continuing to work in law enforcement. He explains how he eventually pursued undercover work while silently struggling with PTSD, depression, and suicidal thoughts, often feeling like he no longer cared whether he lived or died. We talk about the psychological toll of undercover operations, the difficulty of returning to normal life afterward, and how trauma can fundamentally change the way a person sees themselves and the world around them. Together we also discuss the stigma surrounding men’s mental health, the…

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