Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

From The Imperfects by Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg

April 12, 2026 · 1h 11m · Season 8 · Episode 11

About this episode

Esther Perel discusses the importance of self-reflection in relationships and addresses various questions about intimacy and affection.

Are you stuck, focusing on what's wrong in your relationship? Deeply embedded in the work of intimacy, desire and relationships, psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel, ask us to take a look at ourselves first, rather than listing the short comings of our partner. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter -  http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this Academy of Imperfection, Hugh (who sadly was violently ill last time we talked to Esther) comes armed with questions about the mental load (with love, from Penny), and how to navigate their differing needs for affection. Ryan asks Esther whether we’re capable of falling in love with AI, and Josh wants to know why we sometimes put up walls with the ones we love the most. And, if you’ve ever asked yourself any of the below, this episode’s for you; is working from home causing social atrophy? what does it mean to be an embodied creature? what are the downfalls of a frictionless relationship? Esther, you are welcome back anytime. ANYTIME. If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/u5HsDD9bjRQ &nbsp…

People in this episode

Hosts: Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton, Josh van Cuylenburg

Guest: Esther Perel

Topics covered

  • relationships
  • intimacy
  • self-reflection
  • mental load
  • affection
  • AI in love

Keywords

  • relationships
  • intimacy
  • self-reflection
  • mental load
  • affection
  • AI
  • social atrophy
  • frictionless relationships

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