S8E5 - The Unconscious Agreement That Keeps You From Growing

S8E5 - The Unconscious Agreement That Keeps You From Growing

From The Lit Up Life with Debbie Heiser by Debbie Heiser

April 7, 2026 · 21 min · Season 8 · Episode 5

About this episode

Debbie Heiser explores unconscious agreements like loyalty pacts and double binds that hinder personal growth in women.

You know what to do. So why aren't you doing it? If you've ever asked yourself that question, this episode is going to name something you've felt but probably couldn't explain. In this episode, I'm breaking down two of the most powerful and least talked about patterns I see in women who are trying to grow: loyalty pacts and double binds. These are the unconscious agreements and internal conflicts quietly running underneath your decisions, your identity, and your results. They're not logical problems. They're neurological ones. And once you see them, you can't unsee them. I share a deeply personal story about my own loyalty pact with my mother and how it quietly shaped my fear of fully stepping into my business. I also walk you through how a double bind can trap you between two things you want at the same time, and why that creates the start-stop pattern so many high-achieving women know too well. In this episode, you'll walk away with: What a loyalty pact actually is, where it comes from, and how to recognize it in your own life Why expansion can feel like betrayal, and why that's neurological, not a personal flaw The difference between self-sabotage and identity protection, and…

People in this episode

Host: Debbie Heiser

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