Why Self Regulation Is Killing Your Intimacy
From Together- The Sacred We by Michael Elliott and Courtney Wren
February 5, 2026 · 45 min
About this episode
This episode challenges the myth of self-regulation in relationships and advocates for co-regulation as a foundation for intimacy.
🌱 If you’re feeling called to practice this work in real time, our flagship offering Evolutionary Relationship - The Initiation, price is increasing in two weeks—join at the current rate here. → https://www.sacredrelating.com/sacred-we If you’ve been told to take space, go into another room, and self-regulate before reconnecting with your partner, this episode may completely change how you understand intimacy. In the conscious relationship and nervous-system world, self-regulation is often treated as the gold standard for healing conflict. But what if focusing on self-regulation alone is actually creating more separation, loneliness, and disconnection in your relationship? In this deeply embodied episode, Mike & Courtney challenge the self-regulation myth and introduce a radically different approach: co-regulation as the foundation of intimacy . Drawing from attachment science, developmental psychology, and real moments from their own relationship, they explain why humans learn regulation through connection — not isolation — and why intimacy deepens fastest when partners become regulation buddies . They share how ruptures that once lasted days now resolve in minutes, why…
People in this episode
Hosts: Michael Elliott, Courtney Wren
Topics covered
- self-regulation
- co-regulation
- intimacy
- attachment science
- nervous system
- relationship dynamics
Keywords
- self-regulation
- co-regulation
- intimacy
- attachment
- nervous system
- relationship conflict
- trust
- safety
Mentioned in this episode
Organizations: Evolutionary Relationship, Sacred Relating
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