About this episode

Tony Overbay explores the dynamics of certainty and curiosity in the context of emotional immaturity and narcissism through listener questions.

Certainty isn't confidence. Often it's armor over deep insecurity—and it's how emotional immaturity and narcissism hide in plain sight. In this Q&A crossover, Tony works through three listener questions and lands on the one most relevant to anyone untangling a high-conflict or emotionally immature relationship: why the most certain, "I-know-everything" voices feel so magnetic—and why something about them still feels so off. Drawing on Elinor Greenberg's work, he maps the spectrum from healthy ego all the way to pathological defensive narcissism, where being wrong feels life-threatening and protecting the story matters more than reality. In this episode, you'll: Separate healthy ego (earned, stable, correctable) from pathological defensive narcissism—a facade so thin a single question can deflate it like a helium balloon. Name why narcissistic and emotionally immature people rewrite events in real time—a concept called confabulation. Understand whole object relations and object constancy, and why someone can only see you as all good or all bad. Recognize how groups organize around the loudest, most certain voice—and why the yes-men reinforce it. Trust what you're sensing when…

People in this episode

Host: Tony Overbay

Topics covered

• emotional immaturity
• narcissism
• certainty
• curiosity
• high-conflict relationships
• cognitive flexibility

More episodes of Waking Up to Narcissism

• What If You're Not the Problem You Think You Are in Your Relationship? · July 14, 2026 · 1h 10m

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast page.