People Pleasing vs. Fawning: Why We Do It and How to Change

People Pleasing vs. Fawning: Why We Do It and How to Change

September 7, 2026 · 1h 13m

About this episode

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the differences between people-pleasing and fawning, their connections to trauma, and how to change these patterns.

Dr. Rick and Forrest talk about what separates people-pleasing from the fawn response, and why those differences affect what actually helps. They trace the surprising history behind both ideas, explain each’s relationship with trauma, and answer common questions along the way. They discuss why old friendships pull you back into old patterns, when appeasement is actually the right call, how to assert your needs when people expect you to concede, and how to figure out what you want after a lifetime of tuning into everyone else.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:05: What’s the difference between people-pleasing and “just being nice?” 8:50: Common signs of people-pleasing 21:00: Where "people-pleasing" and “fawning” come from 27:00: Pete Walker, trauma, and how the two terms got merged 30:45: "Is the conflict causing my anxiety, or is my attachment style causing the conflict?" 39:10: Becoming more assertive  47:30: How to change relationships built on the pleasing version of you 55:15: Emotional neglect, shame, and learning what you want 1:04:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Visit…

People in this episode

Hosts: Dr. Rick Hanson, Forrest Hanson

Topics covered

Keywords

Sponsors

Upwork, Rula

More episodes of Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson podcast page.