Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Most of us are pretty bad at conflict, usually because we weren’t taught how to handle it well. But healthy conflict can be one of the best ways to deepen intimacy and trust. In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why conflict is so difficult, the models of conflict we inherit from childhood, healthy repair, what emotional flooding does to the brain and body during a fight, and the research on what actually predicts relationship success. They close with a handful of things that get mistaken for repair but aren't, including submission, thin apologies, and just solving the surface problem. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:19: Repair as the biggest predictor of relationship success 5:29: Models of conflict and where they originate from 16:08: What is healthy repair, and why is it so hard? 24:54: What to do about emotional flooding 30:25: When to let things go, and when to address them 38:36: What repair is and what it's not 46:47: The power of authentic apologies 57:04: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. SponsorsVisit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest is joined by author, meditator, and friend Diego Perez, also known as Yung Pueblo, for a conversation about right effort, the balance between pushing through and letting go, and the death of nuance in the age of social media. They start with Diego’s experience on his recent 60-day silent meditation retreat, and what that kind of practice teaches about craving, attachment, and getting unstuck from old roles. Diego frames right effort as the middle path between forcing your life and going with the flow, and that tension leads into a conversation about social media, including the appeal of reductive advice and being told what to do. Diego closes with what he'd recommend for someone who wants some of the rewards of practice without committing to a long retreat. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 2:02: Diego's 60-day silent retreat 8:17: Right Effort: balancing pursuit with letting go 15:49: Attachment, craving, and suffering 19:25: Diego's journey to the sensitive boy’s club 25:19: Resistance: a sign that something is wrong or that we should push harder? 31:07: How to stop outsourcing your decisions & find guidance within 42:41: The limitations of labels and therapy-speak 52:26: Practices for those who aren't serious meditators 55:39: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Visit Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. They talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn't for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults. Topics include the research on early attachment, why so many of us arrive at adulthood with a strong inner critic and weak inner support, and four practical paths forward: creating a coherent narrative about your past, reparenting yourself, rescaling your sense of self in relation to others, and building self-trust through healthy exploration. Rick’s Attachment Course: Join Rick for a 5-week online course on using the research-backed HEAL method to heal insecure attachment and create new neural pathways for interacting and connecting securely. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25. Key Topics 0:00: Introduction 2:00: The research on becoming a “secure base” 8:17: How we internalize early sources of regulation and recognition 15:43: What happens when love is contingent 18:44: Forming a coherent narrative 29:14: Reparenting yourself 42:07: Rebuilding your sense of self 57:40: Using your secure base to explore, try, and fail 1:09:18: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Go to https://DonorsChoose.org/BEINGWELL to find a classroom near you and have your gift matched today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Protect your peace, set boundaries, don't let people drain your energy…there’s a lot of advice like that, and it’s easy to take it a little too far. Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Forrest to discuss the unintended consequences of the boundaries movement. They talk about how the helpful concept of boundaries led some toward isolation and rigid standards, and focus on healthy dependency: the reality that we all need other people. Nedra explains the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence, why your attachment style is more flexible than you think, and how the stories we tell about ourselves become self-fulfilling. Throughout, they focus on developing key aspects of healthy dependency: being able to ask for help, receive support, tolerate distance, feel comfortable in closeness, and repair after conflict. About our Guest: Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist, relationship expert, and best-selling author with over 2 million followers on social media. Her new book is The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: Misconceptions around boundaries 7:14: What we get wrong about codependency 11:13: The consequences of individualism 15:00: How this all relates to attachment styles 20:03: Personal narratives and self-concept 24:50: Opposite action vs. trusting your gut 27:46: Developing self-awareness around your tendencies 34:42: Navigating distance and boundaries in relationships 44:30: Showing up for friends in difficult relationships 52:50: How to be in imperfect relationships 55:51: How to move out of the shallow zone in relationships 1:07:20: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Grab Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code BEINGWELL at huel.com/beingwell. New customers only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies. 6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles. 9:12: Why conflict happens 14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving. 18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication 30:48: What change looks like in practice. 33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation 42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally. 46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?” 49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships. 52:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Grab Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code BEINGWELL at huel.com/beingwell. New customers only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Over 100,000 people have given their Caraway Kitchen products a 5 star rating, and Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason. Visit Carawayhome.com/BEINGWELL or use code BEINGWELL at checkout. Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how well-intentioned self-help advice can drift away from science under the incentives of the attention economy, where overclaiming, alarmist framing, and “this one simple trick” outperforms nuance. They talk about how authority gets manufactured, how the algorithm encourages overclaiming, and how “theories of everything” lead to misinformation. Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss whether seemingly harmless pseudoscientific practices can create a slippery slope, lowering the importance of material evidence and acting as an on-ramp to more consequential misinformation. Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 2:00 The attention economy 9:00 The problems with clickbait 18:30: The risks of sprawling expertise 25:15: Modality capture: when all you have is a hammer 27:15: ADHD and trauma 39:24: If science changes, what can we trust? 42:30: How “fringe” can become mainstream 50:10: How do you decide who to trust? 1:06:00: The slippery slope of “woo” 1:11:35: What’s a better alternative? 1:21:11: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Grab Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code BEINGWELL at https://www.huel.com/beingwell. New customers only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this New Year’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest make the case that most resolutions fail because they focus on the wrong things: outcomes and behaviors rather than key values. They explore how we can identify our important values, embrace caring about them, and start to let them change our behavior. Forrest talks about how we can differentiate authentic values from “conditions of worth,” and Dr. Rick shares a number of ways to get more in touch with what matters to you. Topics include translating “shoulds” into values, experiencing more autonomy and agency, creating personal narratives, and finding your “stance toward the year.” Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: values, self-concept, and levels of action 7:22: Living from states of having, doing, and being 13:09: Stances toward life based in threat versus opportunity; what are you paying attention to? 20:18: Examining “shoulds” to find and define your authentic values 33:30: Emulating the people you admire and respect most 41:55: Strategies to identify your root values 54:05: Recap Rick's Goals Course: If you want to get more out of the year ahead check out Rick’s online course on resolutions that last. Learn more at RickHanson.com/goals, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to myskylight.com/BEINGWELL. Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about resentment, highly sensitive people, situationships, and expanding the window of tolerance. In the first three questions, they explore how resentment shows up across different relationships, including with coworkers, family members, and romantic partners. They discuss when to speak up, when to let go, and the underrated options in between. They then talk about agency, self awareness, and the expectations of others through two questions about highly sensitive people and building tolerance for discomfort. They close with a surprise bonus question for Forrest from Dr. Rick. Key Topics: 3:51: Question 1: When should I address resentment with coworkers? 15:46: Question 2: How to deal with resentful family members? 24:26: Question 3: Is my jealousy and resentment post-situationship valid? 34:23: Question 4: What are appropriate requests as a Highly Sensitive Person? 50:30: Question 5: How can I build the capacity to embrace discomfort? 56:14: BONUS BIRTHDAY QUESTION from Dr. Rick 1:00:00: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to myskylight.com/BEINGWELL. Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices