Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Most relationships, romantic or otherwise, tend to get stuck in predictable patterns of conflict. This episode is about how to resolve that conflict, and get things moving again. Dr. Rick and Forrest draw on Rick's decades of work with couples and families to talk about getting on the same team, healthy boundaries, making clear requests, differentiation, and the pursuer-distancer dynamic. The episode closes with Forrest and his fiancée, associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, on fixing versus feeling, and how they worked through it in their own relationship. Key Topics: 00:00: Intro 01:30: What Rick wishes couples did differently 09:22: How to ask for what you want 16:36: Differentiation and family systems 28:33: When both people are right: content vs. tone 37:58: Why fighting can feel good 42:09: The pursuer-distancer dynamic 47:15: Resentment and requests about the future 55:33: Fixing vs. feeling with Elizabeth 1:06:59: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to https://livemomentous.com and use code BEINGWELL for up to 35% off your entire first order. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this second episode on self-acceptance, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on how to accept the parts of ourselves we don’t like. They explain why "just love yourself more" rarely works, walk through a four-step process, and talk about why acceptance gets easier when you can set boundaries with yourself. They also cover accepting the “bad” parts of who we are, how to work with the persona you've built to get through life, and self-authorship: taking a hand in who you're becoming.  The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 3:31: If I accept myself, won't I get complacent? 10:01: Why "just love yourself more" doesn't work 14:36: Group 1: Authentic parts we don’t like 23:51: Boundaries with your own parts, and sticking up for them 32:07: Accepting the difficult stuff 41:01: Own it to regulate it: mean streaks and near enemies 45:49: Group 2: Working with the act 54:46: Self-authorship 1:01:02: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Check your health the way I do with 160+ lab tests and access to scans through Function, all for only $365 a year. Learn more at https://functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL25 for a $25 credit. Visit https://Rula.com/BEINGWELL to find affordable, high-quality therapy that’s actually covered by insurance.  Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shame is one of the hardest emotions to work with, in part because it blocks what we need most when we’re feeling shame: self-compassion. Dr. Chris Germer, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to discuss how we can get around that trap. They talk about where shame comes from, how to recognize it when it’s hiding behind other emotions, and practical tools that help us experience less shame.  About our Guest: Chris Germer is a clinical psychologist, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion program with Dr. Kristin Neff, and author of the new book Self-Compassion for Shame. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro: shame, hiding, and why it blocks self-compassion 2:52: What shame is and why it hides 9:45: How self-compassion changes the inner voice 13:44: The arc of working with shame 18:05: Shame as an innocent emotion 22:57: Backdraft and the wish to be loved 29:50: Self-compassion as exposure 39:43: When people really do judge you 45:33: The "shrug" 47:56: Healthy shame, toxic shame, and the parts of you 58:48: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer. Try Gusto today at https://gusto.com/BEINGWELL, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.  Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pain psychologist Dr. Rachel Zoffness joins Forrest and Dr. Rick to explore what pain is, why it can persist long after an injury has healed, and what actually helps. Rachel explains why the brain, rather than the body part that hurts, is what constructs pain, the difference between acute and chronic pain, and the distinction between hurt (what you feel) and harm (what's damaged). They get into the biopsychosocial model, the "pain dial" that stress, sleep, mood, and social connection can turn up or down, the disappointing response rates for most pain treatments, why pain is absolutely not “just in your head,” what sham surgery and open-label placebo studies reveal about how pain works, and why the research is so hard to interpret.  This is not medical advice. Please do not start, change, or discontinue any medication based on this episode. All decisions should be made with your doctor. About our Guest: Dr. Rachel Zoffness is a pain psychologist, assistant clinical professor at the UCSF School of Medicine, and the author of Tell Me Where It Hurts.  Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 1:42 Acute vs. chronic pain 3:41 What is pain? 9:20 The biopsychosocial model 11:11 Hurt vs. harm: the tale of two nails 19:10 The pain dial 23:10 Nociception vs. pain 26:46 Your pain recipe 29:46 The "all in your head" stigma 31:23 Central sensitization 35:53 Pushback from pain patients 40:42 Loneliness and pain 46:51 Pacing 50:48 Reducing distress vs. reducing pain 54:26 Does anything work? 1:00:07 What placebo actually is 1:03:19 Acupuncture, sham surgery, and open-label placebo 1:09:42 Why the research is such a mess 1:14:10 Hopelessness, and trying one more thing 1:17:46 Mindfulness and attention 1:23:02 Advice for friends and family 1:30:22 Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to https://Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Check your health the way I do with 160+ lab tests and access to scans through Function, all for only $365 a year. Learn more at https://functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL and use code BEINGWELL25 for a $25 credit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices