Hiding Addiction While Helping Others Recover: Jed Payne on the Reality of Relapse and Being Honest
About this episode
Jed Payne shares his struggles with addiction and the journey of honesty and recovery.
“It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.” That’s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again. For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair. And the deeper the double life became, the harder it felt to tell the truth. At one point, he considered ending it all, convinced that was the only way to freedom. In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Jed shares the full story—from growing up in church and wrestling with purity culture and shame, to heroin addiction, repeated treatment stays, overdose, and eventually becoming a counselor helping others recover. But even after years of sobriety, hidden struggles slowly crept back in through “gray area” substances, gambling, dishonesty, and untreated pain. What makes this conversation so powerful is that Jed isn’t telling this story from the safe distance of having everything figured out. He’s in the middle of rebuilding. He’s back in sober living…
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