About this episode

This episode explores the distinction between one's true self and the personality patterns formed for protection, emphasizing the importance of awareness in personal growth and parenting.

What if who you think you are… isn't actually you? In this episode, we're diving into one of the most important (and often misunderstood) distinctions in the Enneagram: Essence vs Personality. Because most of us aren't living from our true self—we're operating from patterns that were formed to protect us. And until you can see that clearly, you'll keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same internal loops… no matter how much "work" you do. In This Episode, You'll Learn: The difference between your Essence (who you truly are) and your Personality (the patterns you developed) Why your personality is not the problem—but it can become a limitation How your Enneagram Type shapes your automatic reactions, especially in parenting and relationships Why awareness—not fixing—is the first real step toward change What it actually looks like to shift from reactivity to presence in real life The Core Insight Your personality was formed for a reason. It helped you belong. It helped you feel safe. It helped you navigate the world. But what once protected you… can quietly become the thing that keeps you stuck. The Enneagram doesn't box you in—it shows you what's been…

People in this episode

Host: Ann Kaplan

Topics covered

• Essence vs Personality
• Enneagram
• parenting
• self-awareness
• personal growth

Keywords

• Essence
• Personality
• Enneagram Type
• parenting patterns
• self-awareness
• reactivity
• presence

Mentioned in this episode

Books & works: Enneagram

More episodes of Confessions of a Parent Coach

• Why You Feel Unmotivated (Through the Lens of the Enneagram Type 2) · April 22, 2026 · 47 min
• The Enneagram Isn't Who You Are (And That Changes Everything) · April 15, 2026 · 55 min
• Don't Fence Me In · April 8, 2026 · 27 min
• The Enneagram Will Ruin Your Favorite Argument (In the Best Way) · April 1, 2026 · 1h 29m
• Feeling Stuck? How to Find Your Zone of Power in Hard Situations · March 25, 2026 · 45 min
• Impossible Situations: How to Stop Trying to Fix What Can't Be Fixed · March 18, 2026 · 29 min

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