You're Not In Love, You're In Control: Why Secure Attachment Is Still a Cage

About this episode

This episode challenges the assumption of love in relationships, introducing the concept of compersion and exploring the differences between love and attachment.

Most of us think we're in love with our partners. This episode challenges that assumption directly. In this episode, Andrew introduces the concept of compersion, a word from non-monogamous communities that describes a wholehearted, sympathetic joy for your partner's joy.   It's a feeling most of us can access for our children, our pets, our closest friends. But somewhere in long-term relationships, it disappears. And where it goes is exactly where the real conversation begins.   Because compersion isn't just a feeling. It's a litmus test. And what it reveals is whether what you're calling love is actually love, or whether it's attachment, people-pleasing, which are more about trying to control, manage, or “get” love.   In this episode:  What compersion is, where it comes from, and why it matters for everyone regardless of relationship structure The difference between love and attachment, and why most people are experiencing the latter Why the attachment style framework, as useful as it is, still points toward a cage The difference between people-pleasing and genuine unconditional love The downward spiral that happens when two people are both waiting for the…

People in this episode

Hosts: Andrew, Dawn

Topics covered

• compersion
• love vs attachment
• people-pleasing
• unconditional love
• relationship dynamics
• surrender

Keywords

• compersion
• attachment style
• people-pleasing
• unconditional love
• relationship happiness
• surrender
• joy for partner

Mentioned in this episode

Books & works: You're Not In Love, You're In Control: Why Secure Attachment Is Still a Cage

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