The Psychology Of Feeling Loved | Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky

About this episode

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky discusses the psychology of feeling loved and how it can be cultivated through conversation and mindset shifts.

Why is it that so many of us are loved... and yet don’t actually feel loved? Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and one of the world’s leading researchers on happiness. Her newest book, How to Feel Loved , co-authored with relationship scientist Harry Reis, lands at a strange moment: a time when more people than ever say they are connected, and more people than ever say they don’t actually feel it. In this conversation with Dr. Michael Gervais, Sonja offers a quietly radical reframe. After 36 years of studying what makes a life happy, she has come to believe the answer lies in this: Feeling loved. And here is where it gets interesting. Sonja’s research is showing that feeling loved is not something we have to wait for. It’s something we can help create. Most of us, when we sense the absence, default to one of two strategies. We try to be more lovable. Or we try to change the person on the other side. Sonja argues that neither one actually works. What changes a relationship is changing the conversation. She walks Mike through the five mindsets at the heart of the book: the sharing mindset, listening to learn, radical curiosity, open heart, and…

People in this episode

Host: Dr. Michael Gervais

Guest: Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky

Topics covered

• psychology
• feeling loved
• happiness
• relationships
• communication

Keywords

• feeling loved
• happiness research
• relationship science
• mindsets
• communication

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: UC Riverside

Books & works: How to Feel Loved

More episodes of Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais

• The Psychology Of Spirituality | Dr. Lisa Miller · June 10, 2026 · 1h 1m
• The Psychology of Awareness | Jon Kabat-Zinn · June 3, 2026 · 1h 1m
• The Psychology Of Not Giving A F*ck | Mark Manson · May 27, 2026 · 48 min
• The Psychology of Being a Super Communicator | Charles Duhigg · May 13, 2026 · 52 min
• 5 Questions to Unlock Your Inner Potential | Dr. Mike Gervais - AMA Vol.29 · May 6, 2026 · 60 min
• The Psychology of Performance Under Pressure |Andrew Whitworth · April 29, 2026 · 1h 25m