The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead
From LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS by Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
March 29, 2026 · 37 min
About this episode
Bilnita Armstead shares her journey with a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style and the impact of early relationship patterns on her emotional experiences.
In this episode, I sit down with Bilnita Armstead, a listener of the podcast, who shares her experience navigating a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style. We talk about how early relationship patterns, often learned from our parents, shaped her view of love and connection, and how getting hurt in relationships led her to become emotionally numb and avoidant. She opens up about the push-pull dynamic, feeling secure when single but deeply triggered in relationships, and the mental torment that can come with it—including overthinking, relationship OCD, and constantly questioning feelings. We also explore how things like intense butterflies, cheating as a coping mechanism, and black-and-white thinking played a role in her patterns. Most importantly, this conversation normalizes these experiences and highlights the shift into learning how to sit in the “gray space,” develop self-awareness, and begin showing yourself grace as you heal and move toward more secure ways of relating.
People in this episode
Host: Jessica Da Silva
Guest: Bilnita Armstead
Topics covered
- avoidant attachment
- emotional numbness
- relationship patterns
- self-awareness
- healing
- love and connection
Keywords
- avoidant attachment
- emotional numbness
- relationship OCD
- self-awareness
- healing
- love
- connection
- black-and-white thinking
- overthinking
More episodes of LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS
- Lessons From Dating an Avoidant and an Anxious Partner · June 10, 2026 · 13 min
- Why Anxious + Avoidant Relationships Can Work · June 5, 2026 · 17 min
- The Paradox of Avoidant Healing: Learning to Lean Into Intimacy Despite the Fear · May 12, 2026 · 12 min
- Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need · April 21, 2026 · 16 min
- The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control · March 20, 2026 · 16 min
- Feeling Like You’re the Problem in an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship · February 24, 2026 · 13 min
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