About this episode

The episode humorously explores the film 'Topkapi' and its associated artifacts.

Hey there, effendi! Check out these incredible bargains we have here at the Max, Mike; Market! Fabulous antiquities, shah! Look here, very rare: Attila the Hun’s hernia truss! Never before seen outside a museum . . . wait, don’t go, emir! My partner and I can see you are one of great discernment and taste, so feast your star-like eyes on this! Yes, that’s right! Socrates’ first iPhone case! You know, some fools don’t believe this even exists, pasha! And here! Marie Antoinette’s personal nose-hair trimmer! No, no, clearly that’s not right for . . . oh. Wait . . . maybe . . . we’ve been saving this for someone special! Behold! The Topkapi dagger! Last seen in the “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup” collection, lost for decades! This glorious treasure has been handled by the likes of Maximilian Schell and Peter Ustinov themselves! Look at the artistry! Look at those magnificent emeralds . . . wait, don’t touch . . . um, what’s that, agha? Why, everyone knows that the best emeralds are sticky! No, no, they’re definitely not Jolly Ranchers that have been carved to look like . . . wait, come back! Dang it, there goes another one . . . this is your fault, you ninny! I told you…

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