Max, Mike; Movies

Friends, Romans, Countryfolk . . . lend me a dollar, won’t you? No? Well, fine, we’re doing a new series anyway! So quo that in your vadis! This time we’re choosing a random year every two episodes and discussing the most successful movie of that year and the biggest bomb of that year. At Mike’s direction, we’re calling it “Tops and Bottoms.” Personally, I don’t see what bathing suit components have to do with cinema, but Mike was very insistent about this title . . . although he kept giggling every time he said it, so I’m not sure how serious he was. Tops and Bottoms . . . nossir, I don’t get it. Anyway, this time we’re using the highly sophisticated Max-O-Tron 9000000 to generate the year (ignore any rumors that you might hear regarding the fact that the Max-O-Tron 9000000 is, in fact, a six-sided die and a set of percentile dice. Lies, I tell you, lies!) and through this incredibly complex algorithm (it would take a scientist to explain it), we settled on 1959. And what was 1959’s biggest cinematic success? A small-scale family drama involving a nice Jewish family called “Ben-Hur.” There’s love, spear-throwing, a friendly little chariot race and a few appearances by a young Jewish fella who broke his parents’ hearts by refusing to become a doctor and didn’t HE live to regret it! And remember: you’ll take Ben-Hur’s chariot when you pry it from his cold, dead hands, you damn dirty ape! Give a listen! Poll question: when you hear that a movie is a multi-Oscar winner, does that influence your desire to see it? Positively or negatively? Leave a comment or call our Oscar-nominated hotline at 617-398-7266

All right, maggots! Listen up and listen good! Your mamas are not hear to take care of you now! You are in Max, Mike; Movies, here at Camp “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)” and the only way out is over a heap of dead-and-watched movies! We are your Drill Podcasters and we are here to make sure that you make it through this week’s movie, one “1941,” directed by General Steven Spielberg, alive and with most of your sense of humor intact. You WILL watch this movie. You WILL NOT look away. You WILL recognize alums from “Saturday Night Live,” “Second City TV,” and “Animal House” in this movie! You WILL present your ribs for tickling and your knees for slapping! You WILL NOT wonder if the week after the attack on Pearl Harbor is an appropriate subject for comedy! No point in waiting for anyone to wipe your bottoms, you trash pandas! Join us aaaaaaand . . . WAIT FOR IT!!!! give a listen! Poll question: what’s your favorite Steven Spielberg movie and why? Leave a comment or contact our hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave us a voicemail.

Welcome all you punks and punkettes, to this week’s entry in “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”! This week, we are both rocking and/or rolling! Yes! We will rock out with our socks out! Anarchy within reasonable limits! Oo! We’re discussing perhaps the greatest movie ever to star both The Ramones and Clint Howard! Woo! Down with the establishment! We’re somewhat miffed at multiple authority figures! Hey, Mike! Watch me punk out! I’m going to set this glass on the table . . . WITHOUT a coaster! I’m out of control! You can’t stop me; don’t even try! Gamble Grimble Hey! Woo again! See, I’m making sure that this picture is hanging CROOKED! Oh god, I’ve become more animal than man! C’mon, let’s slam-dance! Yes . . . OW! Ow, ow, ow, my shoulder, ow, ow my hip! Ow ow OH NO! I’ve overturned the potpourri dish! Oh lord, all societal norms are collapsing! I’m feeling the urge to use harsh language to politely criticize the architects our current political structure! It’s too late for me! Run! Listen to our episode and save yourselves! Punk rock for a reasonable length of time! Poll question: what band or musician who hasn’t made a movie would you like to see in a non-concert movie?

Hah hah! Stand back, musketeers! They shall sample MY blade! En garde! Touché! Café au lait! Yes, we have a swashbuckling classic this week in our “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)” series, “The Scarlet Pimpernel”! And what a swashbuckler this is! Sword fights! Daring midnight chases! Desperate fist-fights . . . pardon? Oh. There’s NONE of that here? No musketeers? No “my blade”? Just disguises, cunning plans and . . . fashion tips? Really? . . . . huh. Well . . . this IS a famous swashbuckler movie, right? With Leslie Howard and Merle Oberon? Well . . . sink me! What sort of action movie is this? Hah? One of the antecedents for Batman? Seriously? Well, let’s talk about it then! Tie your cravats properly and give a listen! Poll question: who is your favorite swashbuckler? Leave a comment or swing on a chandelier over to our hotline at 617-398-7266.

You got trouble, my friends,Right here in Little China!With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for Pan (crowd: “Lo Pan!”)Yeah, you got trouble (big trouble!),Right here in Little China!Gotta find a girl with jade-green eyes, that is his plan.(spoken) Mothers of Little China . . . heed this warning! Look for these signs: are your boys wearing red bandannas? Are certain words sneaking into their vocabulary? Words like “the first sovereign emperor” and “Ching Dai, god of the East”? Are they hanging around with the Three Storms and stealing trucks from Jack Burton?Well if so, my friends . . . Yup, we’ve got “Big Trouble in Little China this week in our “Cuz I Wanna (And You’re Gonna Like It)” series, a John Carpenter film that didn’t do so hot at the box office but found new life on home video. Does it squander that new life? How well does this forty-year-old movie about martial arts, Chinese mysticism, and Kurt Russell channeling John Wayne hold up? Give a listen . . . or this will really piss us off to no end!Poll question: what’s your favorite movie that was ignored at the box office but found new life in some other form (home video, midnight shows)?

Snoogins! Me and Lunchbox got us a brand new series: “’Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It),” where we drop insights on movies that we’re watching just ‘cuz we wanna watch them, and we wanna talk about them and we haven’t watched or talked about them yet. Dang straight! And we’re kicking it off with Max’s favorite Kevin Smith flick, 1999’s “Dogma.” This is a simple, light-hearted film that deals with uncomplicated, uncontroversial topics like the nature of God, free will, whether Jesus was White, whether Jesus had siblings, and does God really take the form of a lovely Canadian Alt-Rocker? You know, stuff no one could ever possibly find upsetting or difficult to discuss rationally. Join us and see if we can manage it. Snootch to the mother-f’in nootch! Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic depiction of celestial beings (angels, devils, god itself)? Leave a comment or call our Celestial hotline at 617-398-7266.

Welcome to “Cooking with Max, Mike; Movies,” and another in our culinary series “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” You know, when preparing your favorite invertebrate dish, many people overlook the humble termite. Now, most of your haute cuisine recipes tend to focus on the more exotic insects, like the sago grub or the bamboo worm but we at this podcast think that the termite is a taste treat whose time has come. High in oil, they’re great for frying, with a delicately nutty taste. This batch we have here have been fed exclusively on Indian Snakewood, which gives them a marvelously complex flavor palate, and have spent their days bathing in a mild soy sauce/rice wine mixture. Today we’ll be frying them up in sesame oil for a tasty treat that can’t be beat! Ohohohoho, pardon my little quip. This dish should pair well with today’s movie, “Renfield”, whose protagonist prefers his arthropods and arachnids tartare, which is a perfectly acceptable way to enjoy them, other than the fact that they may tend to crawl off the plate, but to each their own! Yes, Mr. Renfield, played by Nicholas Holt, enjoys his six-legged friends as snacks, while his “master” Dracula, played by Nicholas Cage, prefers to spend his days munching on scenery. Enjoy, and bon appetit! Poll question: what part, if any, of standard vampire lore strikes you as particularly silly/odd/dumb. Exemption: Stephanie Meyers’ sparkle ponies.

We’re back! In this week’s episode of “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” we are discussing that most terrifying supernatural creature: the Willem Dafoe. No one knows how long the Willem Dafoe has haunted the dreams of humankind but people everywhere are horribly fascinated by this creature of myth. In Japan, he is known as “Dafoe Willem.” In France, they warn their children about “Le Willem Dafoe”; in Germany, peasants used to whisper tales of “Der Willem Dafoe.” Why is this blood-freezing creature of legend so prevalent? Why do so many superstitions tell us that he cannot enter a dwelling if there is a pink-painted Hostess Twinkie nailed to the door? Why does he fear an autographed copy of any Nora Roberts novel published before 1998? How does he subsist only on chocolate-covered escargot? We may never know . . . but we do know that he stars in this movie as a much less frightening creature, a strange actor who may or may not be a simple vampire, in this fictionalized story of F.W. Murnau’s filming of his most famous hit, 1922’s “Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror.” Join us and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! IT’S WILLEM DAFOE! Ha ha ha, gotcha! Poll question: which do you enjoy more: supernatural monsters like vampires or science-based monsters like mutants or aliens? Version 1.0.0