I Didn’t Want to Have Kids. My Husband Did. Could Our Marriage Survive?

I Didn’t Want to Have Kids. My Husband Did. Could Our Marriage Survive?

From Modern Love by Ajai Vindication

February 25, 2026 · 55 min · Episode 434

About this episode

Helena de Groot discusses her internal conflict about wanting children and its impact on her marriage.

When Helena de Groot was a child, she pictured an exciting future for herself: living in a big city, getting an apartment with lots of plants, having a creative job and going dancing on the weekends. She never saw becoming a mother as part of that future. When people asked, she told them she didn’t want children. As she grew up, got married and watched her friends become parents, she stood by that decision. But, deep down, she had doubts. The question of whether she was making the right decision for the right reasons consumed Helena’s thinking, and had profound implications for her life and marriage. This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, she discusses how she navigated uncertainty, how it changed her life and how she imagined her future. Helena de Groot’s podcast about her experience, “Creation Myth,” is available from the CBC. How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times How to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher . For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times…

People in this episode

Host: Ajai Vindication

Guest: Helena de Groot

Topics covered

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Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: New York Times, CBC

Books & works: Creation Myth

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