About this episode

Rachael discusses maintaining intimacy in relationships after having children with Vanessa and Xander Marin.

Maintaining Intimacy After Kids with Vanessa & Xander Marin Parenthood changes a lot, including your relationship. In this episode, Rachael sits down with New York Times bestselling authors (and real-life couple) Vanessa and Xander Marin to talk about keeping intimacy alive after kids, the infamous “roommate phase,” and why honest conversations about sex matter more than you think. Vanessa, a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, and Xander, her “regular dude” husband, share how they’ve navigated their own ups and downs while helping millions of couples do the same. They dive into the five conversations from their book Sex Talks, why emotional connection is the real foreplay, and what to do when one partner isn’t feeling ready for intimacy. Plus, they share how couples therapy, online courses, and even their own podcast have helped them, and can help you, build a more connected, playful, and passionate relationship. Inside this episode: The inspiration behind Sex Talks and the five key conversations couples need to have How to break out of the “roommate phase” and reconnect Tips for navigating mismatched readiness for intimacy Why emotional connection is just as important as…

People in this episode

Host: Rachael Shepard-Ohta

Guests: Vanessa Marin, Xander Marin

Topics covered

• intimacy after kids
• parenthood
• couples therapy
• emotional connection
• communication about sex
• relationship advice

Keywords

• intimacy
• parenting
• relationship
• sex therapy
• communication
• couples
• emotional connection
• roommate phase

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Instagram

Products: Rediscovering Us: Intimacy and Sex for Parents Course, Pillow T

Books & works: Sex Talks

More episodes of No One Told Us

• Rewind: In-Laws and Tricky Relationship Changes After Baby with Dr. Tracy Dalgleish ⁠⁠@drtracyd⁠⁠ · October 30, 2025 · 40 min
• Rewind: Reimagining Boyhood with Ruth Whippman · October 23, 2025 · 51 min
• Rewind: We Have Good Reason to Be Angry with Yara Heary · October 16, 2025 · 42 min
• Rewind: How to Fight for Your Rights at Work with Daphne Delvaux · October 9, 2025 · 49 min
• Rewind: Fostering a Secure Attachment with Michelle Charriere · October 2, 2025 · 42 min
• Rewind: Bridging Separation at Bedtime with Dr. Gordon Neufeld · September 18, 2025 · 42 min

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the No One Told Us podcast page.