Ep. 235 - Desire, Guilt, and Pleasure - the Psychology of Sex at Midlife with Dr. Michael Bader

Ep. 235 - Desire, Guilt, and Pleasure - the Psychology of Sex at Midlife with Dr. Michael Bader

From Not Your Mother's Menopause with Dr. Fiona Lovely by Dr. Fiona Lovely

September 8, 2026 · 1h 33m

About this episode

Dr. Fiona Lovely and Dr. Michael Bader discuss the psychology of sexual desire and the impact of guilt and shame on pleasure at midlife.

In this fascinating episode, Dr. Fiona Lovely sits down with Dr. Michael Bader, a psychoanalyst with over 45 years of experience, for a deep dive into the psychology of sexual desire, pleasure, and the often-unexamined beliefs that shape our erotic lives. Together, they explore why sexual excitement is not simply a biological drive that bursts into consciousness, but rather something the mind carefully regulates based on unconscious assessments of safety and danger. Dr. Bader introduces listeners to the concept of pathogenic beliefs—the unconscious rules we form in childhood about what we are "supposed" to feel or not feel. These beliefs, often rooted in guilt or shame, can create roadblocks to sexual excitement into adulthood that no amount of hormone replacement therapy alone can fix. He explains how sexual fantasies function as creative solutions, momentarily bypassing these inhibitions and allowing pleasure to flow. Listeners will walk away with a new understanding of their own erotic minds and practical insight into how psychological safety, guilt, and shame influence their capacity for pleasure. Dr. Bader offers a compassionate perspective, reminding women that…

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