How to Disagree With Your Kids Without Fighting
About this episode
Julia Minson joins Dr. Aliza Pressman to discuss effective ways to disagree with children without escalating conflicts.
Do you know how to disagree with your kid without a fight breaking out? Most of us have been told that the fix for a bad disagreement is more empathy — really try to see it from their side. But Julia Minson, negotiation researcher at Harvard's Kennedy School, joins Dr. Aliza Pressman to share what her experimental research actually shows: telling someone to "try harder to empathize" barely changes the outcome of a conflict. Instead, Julia and Aliza dig into why disagreement has gotten so much more fraught in families, what really makes someone feel heard, and a concrete, teachable framework for disagreeing with your kids, your partner, or anyone else without torching the relationship. What you’ll learn: Why "try to see it from their perspective" doesn't actually work, according to the research "Listening with your words": the specific language that proves you're actually paying attention The "curiosity sandwich" — a script for disagreeing without abandoning your own point of view Argue, don't fight: how to model constructive disagreement in front of your kids The HEAR framework: hedge, emphasize agreement, acknowledge, and reframe to the positive 🔗 RESOURCES & LINKS: 📖 Buy…
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