About this episode

This episode explores the concept of defensiveness in relationships as described by Dr. John Gottman and its connection to humility.

#314: Dr. John Gottman describes four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: first defensiveness, then criticism, then stonewalling, and finally contempt. Each of these is a manifestation of a lack of humility. Having laid out the big picture in our previous episode, here we do a deep dive into the first, defensiveness. We explain how it arises and how it relates to key concepts in our approach, like Reframing, Growth Mindset, and Threat Mode. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

More episodes of The OptimalWork Podcast

• [Rebroadcast] Professional Humility IV: Stonewalling · September 7, 2026 · 29 min
• [Rebroadcast] Professional Humility III: Critical Spirit · August 31, 2026 · 29 min
• [Rebroadcast] Professional Humility I: The Core Elements · August 17, 2026 · 28 min
• [Rebroadcast] Navigating Challenges with Extreme Ownership · August 10, 2026 · 31 min
• [Rebroadcast] Developing Mastery IV: The Optimizing Stage · August 3, 2026 · 28 min
• [Rebroadcast] Developing Mastery III: The Implicit Stage · July 27, 2026 · 32 min

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