To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear

To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear

From Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel by Esther Perel Global Media

May 18, 2026 · 56 min · Season 8 · Episode 44

About this episode

A young woman grapples with her identity and the challenge of allowing herself joy as she prepares for her wedding while navigating her upbringing alongside a non-speaking autistic brother.

With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing up alongside a non-speaking autistic brother taught her to be vigilant, self-effacing, and attuned to everyone else’s needs. Joy and celebration have always come with guilt. As the wedding approaches, those old patterns threaten to keep her on emotional eggshells during one of the most meaningful days of her life. Together, they explore what it means to grow up as the “easy” child, and how claiming space does not betray the people we love. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what…

People in this episode

Host: Esther Perel

Guest: young woman

Topics covered

  • family dynamics
  • autism
  • self-identity
  • joy
  • wedding preparation
  • emotional health

Keywords

  • joy
  • autism
  • self-effacing
  • wedding
  • emotional health
  • family dynamics
  • guilt

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Esther Perel Global Media

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