#417: Professor Paul Eastwick - You’re Overthinking Attraction (It's Simpler Than You Think)
About this episode
Professor Paul Eastwick discusses the science of attraction and challenges common assumptions about dating and preferences.
Professor Paul Eastwick is one of the leading researchers in the science of attraction, relationships, and human mating psychology, leading the Attraction and Relationships Lab at UC Davis. In this conversation, we explore a deceptively simple question: do we actually know what we want in a partner? Drawing on decades of research, Paul challenges some of the most deeply held assumptions about dating, suggesting that many of the preferences we believe define our “type” do not meaningfully predict who we are attracted to in real life. We also discuss why attraction often fails to follow our stated ideals, how compatibility emerges in ways that cannot be easily predicted, and why even advanced models struggle to explain who will click with whom. Along the way, we examine the role of conversation, proximity, and repeated interaction in shaping romantic outcomes, factors that are often overlooked in modern, app-based approaches to dating. Timestamps:00:00 – Do we actually have a “type”?02:42 – Why your ideal partner list doesn’t hold up05:30 – “But I’m different” — do preferences ever work?07:46 – If attraction isn’t preference… what is it?08:00 – Why compatibility can’t be predicted…
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