Perfectionism Isn't High Standards. It's Hurting Your Kid

About this episode

This episode explores the distinction between high standards and perfectionism, discussing its impact on children and parents with expert Thomas Curran.

What if what we call high standards in our kids, and quietly admire in ourselves, is actually something much more painful underneath? This episode takes on a question that hits closer to home than most parents want to admit: have I been confusing high standards with something more punishing, in my kids and in myself? I'm joined by Professor Thomas Curran, social psychologist at the London School of Economics and author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough, whose research has reframed how a generation of psychologists, parents, and young people understand what perfectionism actually is. We get into why rates are climbing, why perfectionism is so often misread (as drive, as work ethic, as the humble brag we've all been trained to admire), and what it actually looks like to help your kid aim high without paying the hidden price. What you'll learn: Why perfectionism is shame, not standards. The deficit thinking underneath it ("how much less than I appear to others") and why what reads as procrastination, withdrawal, or "not trying" in your kid may actually be perfectionism, protecting them from a shame they can't put words to. (You can't fail at something you…

People in this episode

Host: Aliza Pressman

Guest: Thomas Curran

Topics covered

• perfectionism
• parenting
• mental health
• child development
• high standards
• shame

Keywords

• perfectionism
• high standards
• parenting
• shame
• mental health
• child development
• self-handicapping
• burnout

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: London School of Economics

Books & works: The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough

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