Matt's Musings: Stop Competing Against Your Partner's Exes!

Matt's Musings: Stop Competing Against Your Partner's Exes!

From Sex, Here & Now by sexhereandnow

June 5, 2026 · 5 min · Episode 51

About this episode

Matt Lachman discusses the negative impact of comparing oneself to a partner's ex and how it affects intimacy in relationships.

Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of Sex Here and Now. As always, I am your host, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist, and today we are getting into something that shows up way more than people like to admit, comparing yourself to your partner’s ex. You know the feeling. You hear a story, you see an old photo, or your brain just decides to spiral out of nowhere. Suddenly you are asking yourself questions you never needed to ask. Were they hotter, better in bed, more exciting, more successful. Did they have something you don’t. That comparison spiral can feel automatic, and honestly, it is very human. In this episode, I break down why that comparison pulls you out of your relationship and into a one sided competition that does not actually exist. When you are trying to “win” against an ex, you are no longer present with your partner. You are in your head, chasing a version of someone who is not even in the room anymore. That energy does not build intimacy. It builds anxiety, pressure, and disconnection. We also talk about something that often gets missed. You are not comparing yourself to your partner’s ex, you are comparing…

People in this episode

Host: Matt Lachman

Topics covered

  • comparison
  • relationships
  • intimacy
  • self-esteem
  • mental health

Keywords

  • partner's ex
  • comparison spiral
  • intimacy
  • anxiety
  • self-worth

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