Shame & the Inner Critic: Understanding the Triangle Driving Your Escape with Jessica Fern & David Cooley
About this episode
The episode explores the dynamics of shame, escapism, and the inner critic with insights from psychotherapists Jessica Fern and David Cooley.
Why do we escape, what are we really running from, and what does it actually take to stop? In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley, co-authors of a new book built around the shame triangle. We go deeper into the four types of escapers: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, and aggression, and how each one is a nervous system response to the weight of shame and the inner critic. All three of us bring our own lived experience to the table, so the concepts land as personal and immediately recognizable. We talk about how society rewards certain forms of escape (hello, hustle culture), why most therapy and self-help stop at the symptom level, and how to move from the shame triangle into the self-love triangle: escapers become inner nurturers, and the inner critic becomes an inner coach. What You'll Learn Escapism is a nervous system response, not a character flaw The inner critic is built from the outside in, as a survival strategy The 4 escaper types: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, aggression Why productivity culture makes over-functioning invisible Why…
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