They Know What They're Doing—They Just Don't Think It's Wrong (My Big Reveal)
About this episode
Tony Overbay reveals his personal experiences with narcissism and emotional immaturity, exploring the complexities of self-justification and empathy.
"He wasn't evil." Those three words from actor Christoph Waltz, from an interview on how he prepared himself to play one of the most brutal, cruel characters to grace a movie screen, explain exactly why the narcissist in your life can hurt you and then look at you with genuine confusion when you share with them how what they've done, or said, has hurt you. What if they know what they are doing, but they believe they are justified, that they are "right." In this landmark episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, makes a deeply personal revelation: many of the "listener stories" shared on this podcast were actually drawn from his own lived experience with his emotionally immature mother, who passed away in 2025. Through his own journey of differentiation—and a powerful insight from Simon Sinek about why nobody believes they're the villain—Tony reframes the question that keeps every pathologically kind person stuck: "Do they know what they're doing?" In this episode, you'll discover: Why "he wasn't evil" changes everything — the Christoph Waltz principle that explains how narcissistic people cause harm without ever believing they've done anything wrong. The critical difference between "right"…
People in this episode
Host: Tony Overbay
Topics covered
- narcissism
- emotional immaturity
- personal revelation
- pathological kindness
- self-justification
- empathy
- differentiation
Keywords
- narcissism
- emotional immaturity
- self-justification
- pathological kindness
- empathy
- listener stories
- personal journey
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- Your Memory Has Been Turned Against You: Lying, Gaslighting, and Confabulation (Oh My!)
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- Flying Monkeys, Switzerland Friends & Narcissists, Oh My! Understanding Secondary Betrayal
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