Why Being Regulated All The Time Is Bullsh*t!

About this episode

The episode discusses the misconceptions around emotional regulation and the realities of being human, emphasizing that dysregulation is a normal part of life.

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated , this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it. In Episode 36 of But For Real , Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like. We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working . From there, we unpack: Why emotions are energy in motion , not instructions How emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity culture Why the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying to The difference between emotional intensity and mental illness Why “never being activated again” is a scam How DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real life We also…

People in this episode

Hosts: Valerie Martin, Emerson Ryder

Topics covered

• emotional regulation
• nervous system
• anxiety
• mental health
• pop psychology
• therapy culture
• self-improvement

Keywords

• emotional regulation
• dysregulation
• anxiety
• nervous system skills
• therapy
• DBT skills
• mental health
• TikTok
• pop psychology

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: TikTok, DSM, DBT

Products: kombucha

More episodes of But For Real

• It Takes a Village: The Power & Challenge of Building Community · June 10, 2026 · 42 min
• They Can't Kill Us if Our Art Survives - with Wednesdae, @queer.art_therapist · May 27, 2026 · 50 min
• Unmasking Autism with Devon Price, PhD · May 13, 2026 · 48 min
• The One About Polyamory with Em Mortenson · April 29, 2026 · 54 min
• Boundaries Aren’t B*tchy! · April 15, 2026 · 38 min
• The One About Suicide 💔🫂 · April 1, 2026 · 1h 13m