Abraham Lincoln Wants Man Pussy From Beyond the Grave
About this episode
Tim shares bizarre stories from his recent trip to Ohio, including a rap, a vintage computer trade, and commentary on American culture.
The program opens with an aggressively stupid and weirdly committed “Watch Me Use My Dildo” rap, because apparently that’s how we honor the nation before fireworks season. Tim checks back in after returning from Ohio, where he’s been dealing with his mom’s medical situation, endless driving, and the general spiritual rot of Ashtabula . There’s also an extra detour to Buffalo for a vintage computer trade, because if you’re already exhausted and stressed, why not add five more hours on the road for a nicotine-yellow keyboard full of pubes and mystery crust ? Retrobriting the old keys with hydrogen peroxide turns into a mini chemical-burn adventure, complete with whitening fingers, pain, and the realization that maybe gloves exist for a reason. A sponsor request from Emotional Support Beverage celebrates a 20-year DV anniversary and brings back an old 2006 segment: “What Does Freedom Mean to Me?” The bit starts as patriotic commentary and quickly mutates into hate, kidnapping, criminal insanity, and an eventual “fuck you, America” spiral, which honestly feels pretty on-brand. Tim also marvels at how early he found his real voice, which turns out to be “deeply offensive satire that…
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