How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame

July 8, 2026 · 30 min · Season 1 · Episode 167

About this episode

This episode delves into how early childhood trauma influences shame and grandiosity in adult relationships and offers insights on re-parenting the Adaptive Child within us.

This is part two of our shame series. Be sure to listen to last week's episode for an introduction into shame and how it relates to self-esteem. In this episode, we go deeper into the real reason shame and grandiosity show up in our relationships. We explore how early childhood experiences shape a part of our psyche called the Adaptive Child — the part that learned to survive through fight, flight, or fix strategies. You’ll learn why these once-brilliant survival patterns often become the very thing that keeps us stuck in shame cycles as adults. We break down the three parts of the psyche, how trauma gets stored in the Adaptive Child, and what it actually takes to re-parent that younger part of ourselves with compassion and firmness. If you’ve ever wondered why your reactions feel so automatic and intense in relationships, or why “just loving yourself” hasn’t worked, this episode will give you the missing piece. In this episode, you’ll discover: The three parts of the psyche and why most of us spend our adult lives in the Adaptive Child How fight, flight, or fix becomes your default survival strategy Why the Adaptive Child carries and replays shame and grandiosity How childhood…

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