About this episode

This episode explores the shame and grandiosity cycle that negatively impacts marriages and emphasizes the importance of self-esteem and self-awareness in relationships.

Most of us are walking around with a relationship to ourselves that is pretty dysfunctional — and we don’t even realize it. We bounce back and forth between shame and grandiosity, sometimes minute by minute, and this constant internal cycle quietly damages our marriages. In this first episode of our new series, we unpack what real self-esteem actually is, how shame and grandiosity act as two sides of the same coin, and why so much of the disconnection in our relationships actually starts with the relationship we have with ourselves. We also introduce the three types of “outside-in” (or pseudo) self-esteem that many of us unknowingly rely on. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough one minute and superior the next — or wondered why connection with your partner sometimes feels so hard — this episode will give you language for what’s actually happening. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Why shame and grandiosity are both distortions of real self-esteem (and how they show up in marriage) The difference between inside-out self-esteem and the “outside-in” versions we often rely on The three types of outside-in (pseudo) self-esteem: performance-based, others-based, and…

More episodes of Master Your Marriage

• Defensiveness Is a Self-Esteem Problem (And How to Fix It) · July 16, 2026 · 30 min
• Mini Episode: Real Self Esteem, Shame & Grandiosity (Listener Questions) · July 10, 2026 · 5 min
• How Adapting to Trauma Wires Us for Shame · July 8, 2026 · 30 min
• Why Therapy Often Falls Short (Even When It’s Good Therapy) · June 24, 2026 · 24 min
• Don’t Run From Tension – Stephen Curry’s Marriage Wisdom · June 18, 2026 · 31 min

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