About this episode

This episode explores the complexities of heterosexual men who desire sexual experiences with other men.

We tend to think about sexual orientation as a fixed identity that’s clear, stable, and easy to define. However, sexuality doesn’t fit into neat and tidy boxes like that. In this episode, we’re diving into the world of heterosexual man who want to have sex with other men, and what this tells us about the complexity of human sexuality. I am joined once again by Kathy Kay, host of the Strictly Anonymous Podcast and author of the new book Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, a collection of real, unfiltered stories from people revealing their most private sexual thoughts and experiences. Some of the specific topics we explore include: How common is it for heterosexual guys to have same-sex fantasies? Are these fantasies and desires purely physical, or is there an emotional component as well? Are these men just secretly gay? Why is male same-sex behavior more stigmatized than female same-sex behavior? Are women sometimes turned on by watching their husbands or boyfriends with other men? To learn more, check out the Strictly Anonymous website. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at…

People in this episode

Host: Dr. Justin Lehmiller

Guest: Kathy Kay

Topics covered

• sexual orientation
• heterosexual men
• same-sex fantasies
• male same-sex behavior
• sexual stigma
• emotional component of sexuality

Sponsors

Beducated

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Strictly Anonymous Podcast

Products: Beducated

Books & works: Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers

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• Episode 492: Why So Many People Fantasize About Sharing Their Partner · April 14, 2026 · 37 min
• Episode 491: Sex, Disability, And Barriers To Care · April 10, 2026 · 29 min
• Episode 490: Why People Say Yes To Sex They Don’t Want · April 7, 2026 · 30 min

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