402: What helps a sexually guarded woman feel safe to open? (ft. Violet Lange)

402: What helps a sexually guarded woman feel safe to open? (ft. Violet Lange)

From Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women by Melanie Curtin

February 27, 2026 · 1h 7m

About this episode

The episode explores how to help sexually guarded women feel safe to open up, focusing on intimacy and healing from sexual trauma.

“A common pattern we see is that the sex has dried up.” In millions of marriages around the globe, one partner is starving for intimacy, and the other feels confused, frightened, frozen, or all three. The sexually guarded partner doesn't know how to open, and their partner feels stuck, unhappy and alone. So what can they do? Here we explore exactly that, with a focus on a woman partner who may be terrified of engaging in sexual healing. We explore the origins and root causes of this pattern, as well as sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, love, commitment, and connection. We talk about the phenomenon of: “I’m so flooded now that we have kids that it’s really hard for me to have the bandwidth to connect physically with anyone.” And: “Our lack of physical intimacy started bleeding into a lack of emotional intimacy." \We also talk about the prevalence of sexual trauma, whether from childhood or adulthood or both, as well as how to heal from it. Hint: One of the best ways to move through it is as a woman is not with a love relationship partner, but with other women. Sisterhood is powerful medicine. Mentioned on this episode: Violet's program for women: Love Integrated…

People in this episode

Host: Melanie Curtin

Guest: Violet Lange

Topics covered

  • sexual intimacy
  • emotional intimacy
  • sexual trauma
  • healing
  • sisterhood
  • relationships

Keywords

  • sexual intimacy
  • emotional intimacy
  • sexual trauma
  • healing
  • sisterhood

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Love Integrated, Heart of Shadow for Women

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