A Podcast for Coaches

Coaching Session with Joyce: Money Mindset & Relationship DynamicsEpisode SummaryIn this coaching session, I help "Joyce" explore her beliefs around money, particularly how she feels responsible for meeting her "wants" while relying on others for basic needs. The conversation evolves from financial concerns into deeper relationship dynamics around desire, communication, and self-betrayal.To hear my follow-up conversations with Joyce, start a 30-day trial of Office Hours with Mark.Timestamps[00:00:00] Introduction; Joyce identifies money as her top concern[00:01:00] Joyce explains her core belief: she's responsible for providing her own "wants" while relying on others (previously her father, now her husband) for basic needs[00:02:00] Discussion of Joyce's interest in coaching as a potential income source; feeling pressure to earn money for things her husband's income can't provide[00:03:00] Joyce's conflict between entrepreneur vs. employee paths; observation of her father's entrepreneurial experience[00:04:00] Mark asks Joyce to clarify what she considers "needs" versus "wants"[00:05:00] Joyce defines her values: holistic health products, personal development, travel with family[00:06:00] Discussion of financial trade-offs; Joyce mentions feeling they don't have cash for her "wants" without incurring debt[00:07:00] Mark compliments Joyce on framing the decision space well; suggests making vague desires more specific[00:09:00] Joyce reveals it's more about the feeling of financial freedom than specific purchases[00:10:00] Mark shifts focus to Joyce's relationship with money; asks why she feels the need to hold onto money[00:11:00] Exploration of Joyce's financial security fears; Mark guides her through worst-case scenarios[00:14:00] Discussion of safety nets (family, church) that make true destitution unlikely[00:16:00] Mark observes that Joyce's real fear is embarrassment/shame about financial struggles[00:17:00] Joyce connects this to her identity of being financially independent; pride in never asking family for help[00:18:00] Mark asks Joyce to share her thoughts about people who've made poor financial choices[00:20:00] Discussion about whether spending money is foolish; Joyce notes it depends on alignment with values[00:21:00] Conversation about grocery budget tensions between Joyce and her husband[00:23:00] Mark observes husband's conservative financial approach; Joyce feels they've reduced expenses as much as possible[00:24:00] Joyce explains she wouldn't put her income in "the family pot" but would keep it separate for "extras"[00:26:00] Discussion of financial decision-making in the marriage; Joyce has deferred to husband on major decisions[00:28:00] Mark asks how the couple discusses desires and wants; Joyce says such conversations get "slapped with reality"[00:30:00] Joyce describes difficulty maintaining an abundance mindset when her husband operates from scarcity[00:32:00] Mark suggests framing as relationship challenge rather than money problem; recommends conversation approach[00:34:00] Discussion about connection without agreement; Joyce notes husband's behavior doesn't change despite listening[00:36:00] Mark emphasizes importance of honest desire without self-betrayal or relationship conditions[00:38:00] Joyce realizes she keeps desires to herself to avoid negative emotions; Mark notes this reveals deeper relationship disconnection[00:39:00] Discussion of next steps; Joyce recognizes she's gone as far as she can without involving her husband[00:40:00] Mark emphasizes that greatest potential is achieved in relationship, not alone[00:41:00] Joyce acknowledges she can only ask and offer; Mark cautions against using assumed resistance as an excuse[00:43:00] Mark suggests Joyce explore job options to clarify what she wants; session wrap-up

You Are Not Your LabelI've noticed a concerning trend: clients who filter their experience through diagnostic labels rather than their actual thoughts and feelings. They're essentially "othering" themselves, asking "Does this fit my diagnosis?" instead of "What can I learn from this experience?"While labels offer comfort (I've felt it myself with ADHD), they risk becoming prisons of consistency. A client who can't get through five minutes without referencing their diagnosis is using it as both explanation and excuse.As coaches, our job isn't to categorize clients for our own comfort. It's to emphasize agency through thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—things clients can actually change.I'm not saying abandon frameworks entirely. Personality tests can be insightful! But keep them secondary, not primary. View clients developmentally (what can they learn and become?) rather than pathologically (how do we fix them within their diagnosis?).Remember this fundamental truth: You are not your label. You're a complex individual with capacities beyond any diagnosis.

In this episode, I explore the territory of superiority - that place where I position myself as right, evolved, or "above" while seeing others as wrong or behind. This pattern emerges most in emotionally activated moments, when I'm feeling insecure or fearful.For me, superiority manifests as becoming a well-spoken, fast-talking bully, using my natural ability to rapidly process ideas as a weapon rather than a tool for connection. Through coaching and my patient wife's feedback, I've developed awareness of the physical sensations that accompany this pattern.Practical strategies like 24-hour processing periods with Kate and creating intentional space in client sessions have been transformative. I no longer incur the internal penalties of superiority as often, though the sneaky internal voice of criticism still appears.For coaches struggling with superiority (and many of us do), I recommend regularly checking: "Was I being superior or collaborative in that interaction?"The goal isn't perfection but awareness and correction when we slip.

Most months I start with no idea who will hire me. That uncertainty creates anxiety, even though I've learned to manage it well.Here's what helps: While my practice feels unpredictable month-to-month, it's actually quite predictable year-to-year. In the past three years, I've rarely had a month with zero coaching transactions.I've found that reducing uncertainty comes down to nurturing three types of relationships:People who already trust me in a coaching context (past clients, podcast listeners)People who like and trust me, but not yet in a coaching contextComplete strangers who might eventually become clientsThe coaching transactions that happen this month won't be random or "out of the blue" – they'll be the natural outcome of relationships planted and nurtured days, weeks, or even years ago.So yes, coaching is an unpredictable business. But by nurturing relationships, we make the unpredictable parts less volatile.

In this episode, I talk about an experience with a friend in high school that shaped my love for listening. She shared the details of a tough season in her life, and then thanked me for the way I listened to her. I know this isn't a unique experience, but it's my first memory of realizing that just paying close, compassionate attention is a way to connect with people. Now that I'm a coach, I believe listening is our most important skill, and one we can develop through careful practice and repetition.

Part of the appeal of a one-on-one practice is that its hard parts aren't as hard as other business models (like "scalable" training), and its easier parts are even easier (and more happiness-producing) than other models.

The best coaching is an invitation to productive pain in pursuit of the reward on the other side. Today's episode inspired by this essay, shared with me by my coach, Liz.

Paula Engebretson coaches people with an ADHD diagnosis (or ADHD tendencies). Since I know she has ADHD, and since I may or may not be a member of her target audience, I've been surprised at how consistently she publishes her newsletter and podcast. People like her (me) are not supposed to be as reliable as she is. But she shows up like clockwork. I asked her to come on the show to talk about how she does it. My key takeaways were:1. Why Paula won't take on a project unless it's a "full-bodied yes".2. How her personal mission keeps her motivated.3. How my own lack of consistency probably stems from #1 and #2.Connect with Paula:I'm Busy Being Awesome (website and podcast)

Two weeks ago I went to Tennessee to speak at an event hosted by my friend, Edie Wadsworth. This week, Kate (my wife) taught some classes at a church camp for young women. We both loved our experience, and it reminded me of one of my most important lessons from over ten years in the world of coaching: there's no substitute for being in the same room as the people you want to serve.

You may feel like you're working as hard (or harder) than your peers but not seeing the same (or any) results. This episode explains what I think you're experiencing, what you can do about it, and why I'm confident you'll succeed in the end.

Although I don't care much about certifications (see last week's episode), I believe strongly in the benefit of supported practice for coaches. We can elevate individual coaches and the whole coaching community by creating spaces and times in which coaches practice, correct, discuss, and support each other.

There are good reasons and bad reasons to pursue certification(s) as a coach -- up to and including becoming a licensed therapist.

I like last week's episode but it didn't feel quite right. Today's episode rounds out some of my ideas/suggestions/hypotheses for how group coaching could go from being a good thing to a great thing. Enjoy.