A Supporter's Toolbox With Stacy L. Nonnemacher, PhD

Stacy draws on Dr. Bruce Perry’s “3 Rs” framework—regulate, relate, reason— emphasizing that supporters must first manage their own emotions to help others feel safe, then validate their experience, and only afterward reflect and problem-solve. By understanding what soothes, validates, and teaches each person, supporters can help expand a person’s Window of Tolerance, strengthen emotional regulation skills, and respond more effectively during future crises.

Stacy emphasizes the importance of proactive, person-centered crisis planning to prevent escalation and improve outcomes when challenges arise. By planning ahead, when the person is calm and involved in the process, supporters can build trust, increase self-awareness, and reduce the likelihood of hospitalizations or law enforcement involvement.

Stacy introduces harm reduction as a compassionate, practical approach to supporting people who engage in risky behaviors, challenging the traditional “all-or-nothing” mindset. Drawing from its roots in the substance use field, she explains how harm reduction focuses on minimizing risk and increasing safety, such as through tapering or safer alternatives, while supporters work to understand the underlying “why” behind a behavior. By removing shame and responding with respect, supporters can build trust and create conditions that make long-term change more possible. Stacy positions harm reduction not as permission for harmful behavior, but as a realistic, relationship-centered tool that prioritizes safety, dignity, and meeting people where they are on the path toward meaningful change.

Stacy discusses the power of words and how the language we use, especially in the disability field, shapes self-perception, behavior, and even brain responses. Research shows words can influence pain, performance, and stress. She urges supporters to practice mindful, affirming language that builds confidence and positively influences how individuals see themselves and how others see them. Words, she reminds us, have the power to either diminish or empower.