Angry At The Right Things

Bronwyn speaks with Alecia Jacobson, host of the Spirit of a Badass podcast, about the nuances of anger and how forgiveness factors in. We discuss the somatic effects of anger in the brain and body, sharing personal anecdotes that inform and inspire, such as how anger is part of a lifelong journey toward self-nurture.

The principle fostering a healthy birth is the same that underlies healthy child development: parents must embrace their limits and very death in order for the child to have life and to flourish. In other words, the death of the parent begets the life of the child. The question isn’t if we have a devouring parent, because all humans have a natural bent to devour. The question is how we respond to our parents. Many people want to forgive their parents, which is a good inclination. But what does real forgiveness entail? What it doesn’t entail is enabling the parent to continue devouring. Our healthy differentiation from our parents leads to our life, and quite possibly their reincarnation, in this lifetime.

Shame is a key component in trauma. It is not a feeling, but a deep-rooted and false belief system that divides us from our very self. Shame prohibits us from trusting ourselves and giving ourselves the approval and love we need. Shame is weaponized by abusive people, creating a cycle of dependency upon them. Ultimately, shame is the common enemy of all humanity, but we can beat it. Bronwyn walks us through a powerful Integration exercise to uproot shame.

We live in a culture, including within the mental health community, that is pain-avoidant. Pain isn’t enjoyable, but it serves a vital purpose, both physically and mentally. It’s there to give us wisdom and illuminate truth. As much as we humans are inclined to avoid pain, it’s where the treasure lies. All wisdom and truth, like buried treasure, is found in the heart of the abyss. The depths are dark and frightening, but those who make the journey resurface with gold. It’s the Hero’s Journey, and the treasure we find is ourselves.

No one rescues anyone else, but a true healer helps us rescue ourselves. Any philosophy that teaches otherwise, just isn’t true. Each one of us is more powerful than we know.

It's imperative to know the difference between a healthy heart and an underdeveloped one. A heart needs to be adequately defended, but not excessively. A healthy human has empathy for both self and other, and learns to surrender false hope for people who refuse to embrace their humanity.

Forget about attachment style -- what truly assesses our emotional maturity is our ability to self-nurture. All we need is a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the work, because we ARE. And the work isn’t laborious or draining, but rejuvenating and delightful. Nurturing ourselves is, well… nurturing.