Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:I want to fully understand Theology of the Body but struggle due to a history with porn addiction. Exposed at 13, I fell away from the Church and entered an ill-advised marriage where porn use was encouraged, ending in divorce. Now, by the grace of God, it’s been several months since I’ve slipped. Resources like the Matt Fradd show, Internal Family Systems, and Covenant Eyes have helped immensely. I’ve met an amazing woman, but when I told her about my addiction, she expressed concern that I haven't done enough to address it. How do I know if I’ve done enough? What resources would you recommend?My fiancé and I have been discerning swim modesty, particularly for men. I love swimming and see many modest options for women, but what about men? I felt like seeing my fiancé without his shirt for the first time was a big deal, as a level of nakedness would be revealed that hadn’t been before. We discerned him wearing a swim shirt, as I want to wait to see this nakedness until marriage. He has struggled with it, and I didn't want to force it. Should men have a level of modesty and cover up while swimming, or is it modest for men to swim shirtless since that’s acceptable in our culture?Are there any feminine hygiene products that are not acceptable? Tampons are required to go into the body, and menstrual cups or disks even require a woman to actually reach her hand up her vagina to insert and to remove. This feels a little bit like the line towards masturbation is being pushed.Resources:Way of Beauty Course with Bill DonaghyCourse ScheduleFreedom CoachingTOB Institute StoreJohn Paul II Healing CenterDesert Stream Ministries---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode: I am a single man in my twenties and have committed to reserving sex for marriage. People often try to dissuade me by bringing up “sexual compatibility,” telling stories of couples who waited and later divorced because they weren’t compatible in the marriage bed. I struggle to respond since I can’t speak from experience about what sexual compatibility or good sex really means. My gut tells me there’s something selfish in this reasoning, yet every married couple hopes sexual intimacy will be wonderful for both spouses. So what is sexual compatibility, and is it really possible for a man and woman to be sexually incompatible? I am a young woman with a fantastic boyfriend. When we kiss, it usually lasts for only a second, but I’ve found myself wanting a kiss from him that is longer and more intimate. I also have this desire when it comes to being held by him or cuddling. Thankfully, we both love theology of the body and desire to grow in chastity in our relationship, but I’m not sure how prudent these desires are because I don’t want to use him for physical pleasure. Is it okay for me to want these things from him even though we aren’t married? Can they be done in a chaste way? Having had unchaste experiences with men I’ve dated in the past makes me feel as though I’d be tainting my current relationship by doing these things, and the feelings that arise feel more like lust and crossing a boundary. I recently came across your work and have been listening to your podcasts and interviews incessantly. It is truly life-changing material. You’ve referenced a few times a retreat where a priest asked you to perform various exercises to help stir up your desires so that you could really learn how to pray. What were those exercises? I haven’t been able to find them through all the listening I’ve been doing.Resources:Word Made Fresh Podcast on YouTubeWord Made Fresh Podcast on SpotifyColorado Ski Retreat with Christopher ---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:About 10 years ago, my husband and I rushed into a vasectomy after my third child in 3.5 years and intense anxiety/depression. I wasn’t in favor, but agreed thinking he’d reverse it if we wanted more kids—then I learned he never intended to. For eight years I felt despair and our union felt unrepairable. In recent years, Christ has healed me, and discovering TOB helped transform my husband’s heart; he’s apologized and wishes he could take it back. But he fears reversal because of painful complications. Should I ask him to reverse it for me, or leave it up to him? How does this relate to TOB’s “special responsibility” of the man to reestablish the balance of the gift?My question is about where the marriage imagery of Christ and the Church can fall short. Sometimes I find it hard to love God when I know that if I don’t, He has the power and authority to cast me into hell, and if this were a relationship between two sinners, it might seem abusive for one spouse to punish the other for lack of loyalty. Ezekiel 16 portrays God doing this in a spousal context, and it deeply troubles me. When I struggle with this, I shy away from Christ as Bridegroom and turn to other analogies, like Him as the vine. Can you shed some TOB light on this?I’ve been in a relationship for four years. We’re both believing Christians and try to live our relationship in the light of theology of the body, but lately we’re struggling with physical affection—never knowing what is too much or what is healthy since we’re not married. We’ve talked a lot, and it seems I’m having a harder time than he is. My problem is that I often find myself troubled after the fact. I’d really appreciate some advice.Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with Christopher events@tobinstitute.org---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:I’m experiencing my third very early miscarriage, and I’m having a lot of difficult feelings because the loss is so early. I never saw a doctor to confirm pregnancy—just a few days of faint positive tests that never got darker and eventually turned negative—and I’m dreading the coming bloodshed. I’m struggling with feeling like I shouldn’t grieve; I know life begins at conception, but I’m confused, and it feels unfair to people with “real” miscarriages. My husband doesn’t really understand, and I feel alone with two toddlers. Any insight appreciated.I understand God gave us sexuality as a gift, making us sexual beings. If he knew we’d be tempted to misuse it, why didn’t he make it so we’d be attracted to beauty but not feel sexual desire until after vows in the sacrament of marriage? Since that’s not how he designed it—and many look forward to that day—how do we look forward without unchaste thoughts or fantasies? My love language is touch, and I ache to be held, but my yearning slips into fantasies and then self-abuse. Any encouragement or advice would be welcome.Why did the apostles not recognize Jesus after the resurrection?Resources:Sexual Integration CourseColorado Ski Retreat with Christopher Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode: St. John Paul talks about woman being master of her own mystery—how a man must stand at the door and knock, then wait for her to open, even in marriage, respecting her right to reject his advances to the marital embrace. In light of this, how do we understand 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 (“the wife does not rule over her own body… Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement…”)? What does this mean? It seems to contradict JP2. I’ve also heard it used against NFP—how can I understand it in light of TOB and the Church’s teaching?How do you handle sharing Theology of the Body in the current context, where our own leaders in the Church seem to more and more embrace the way of the world? Can you give advice on ways to share and teach the TOB message within our own diocese in this context—especially when facing barriers from our own priests and bishops?I’m a happily married man in my early 60s. I had a vasectomy in my 20s after our third child, became Catholic in my 50s, and deeply regretted what I’d done to my body. I’ve gathered that when I make love to my wife it isn’t considered a truly marital act because my body is in a contraceptive state—even though she’s past menopause and cannot conceive. I’ve considered reversal, but I can’t afford it and I’m told it’s unlikely to work at my age; my non-Catholic wife isn’t supportive. Have you any consoling thoughts?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherGood News About Sex & MarriageIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠Donate to the JPII Legacy FoundationJPII Legacy Foundation Website---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

–This episode is sponsored by Truthly–Questions answered this episode:There are many stories of Catholic men who experience same-sex attraction and go on to marry and have families, even though their predominant attraction remains toward men. Many encourage others not to dismiss marriage before exploring whether God could be calling them to it. I’m honestly confused. Would it be right for me to pursue a relationship with a woman without being attracted to her, without longing to share in the marital embrace? Some say attraction to their wives arose later in dating, but it doesn’t seem right to start a romantic relationship without attraction.I’ve been struggling for many months with the sexual past of my boyfriend. It’s been really difficult not to take it personally—feeling deeply hurt and offended that he didn’t wait for me, even though we didn’t know one another when those things occurred. He is now committed to living chastely after realizing that fornication was unfulfilling and a lie, thanks be to God. How can I place the proper weight on his past without taking it personally in a way that sabotages the beautiful relationship we’ve built?I converted to the Catholic faith 7 years ago from an atheistic background. From my parents I have a strong inclination to be a perfectionist, even during the marital embrace. I’m anxious not to fail, and I often think I will be a failure if we don’t get 3 children. We have 2 on earth and 1 in heaven. I feel unworthy compared with traditional huge Catholic families. How can I get rid of this anxiety and be free?Resources:Colorado Ski Retreat with ChristopherSexual Integration & Redemption CourseAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I’d like your opinion on popular songs that celebrate the pleasures of sexual union, like that Marvin Gaye song. Can their meaning—or the passions they stir—be redeemed within marriage? It seems many of these songs aren’t good in most contexts, especially those that objectify people. But are some of them acceptable for married couples to listen to privately, if the lyrics don’t violate the personalistic norm and actually draw one’s mind to the joy of union with one’s spouse? I’d love to hear your thoughts.I’m engaged, and after 1.5 years together we’ve had ongoing difficulties. My fiancé has a very strong desire for union with me—not just sexually, but in living together and loving without limits. His desire is so strong that he becomes deeply frustrated by the limits of a premarital relationship, and he grows distant when that frustration hits. He even says it pains him to be with me. His distance makes me hesitant to marry him. It feels unnatural that Eros could be so strong it can’t endure normal premarital boundaries, and it scares me. Is this normal?I’m a young Catholic woman still in love with a man I met in high school. Back then I felt something spiritual between us—a quiet sense of God saying, “Behold your husband.” He was the first person I ever saw receive the Eucharist kneeling and on the tongue, and it struck me deeply. Though we never acted on anything, seven years later my feelings remain, even though he’s dating someone else and has made choices against his faith. I pray for him daily, but I’m torn: do these prayers honor God, or keep me stuck? Should I keep praying for him or prepare my heart for the husband God intends?Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteDonate to the JPII Legacy FoundationEvent ScheduleAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode: Right now, I'm learning about cycles and fertility using the Creighton method. One main point is that the man is always fertile while the woman is infertile most of the time. I’m wondering if there’s a theology behind that—especially since the man typically initiates and is constantly fertile. What do you think is the significance of this?I'm dating and love your podcast. I'm in a serious relationship but still in college, so marriage is likely two years away. When do you recommend reading Good News About Sex and Marriage? I viewed pornography in early high school but, with God’s grace, have been free for years. Still, twisted ideas about sexuality linger. I long for God’s truth—could reading these sources bring healing and help untwist what remains twisted in me?I feel like modesty conversations are objectifying. Why talk about me as if I’m just pieces to cover? Secular friends see me as a whole person, but religious people seem to see only skin. You say there are no abstract breasts, yet I’m told to cover mine because they “distract” from me—even though they are me. If the body isn’t bad, why hide it? If others can look purely, why must I be my brother’s keeper? Can’t we stop sexualizing everything instead of keeping it taboo?Resources:Course ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteGood News About Sex & MarriageAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠