At Peace Parents Podcast

If you are a parent who cannot unschool or homeschool your PDA child, or who needs practical support navigating the school system, this episode is for you. I am joined by Dr. Destiny Huff, a licensed professional counselor, non-attorney special education advocate, and neuro-affirming trainer who is also late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD and a mother of neurodivergent children.Dr. Huff shares the most common patterns she sees as PDA families navigate schools, how she frames the nervous system lens in IEP meetings, the specific accommodations she advocates for most consistently, her approach to functional behavioral assessments, and practical steps parents can take right now.Key TakeawaysTwo Patterns Dr. Huff Sees Advocating for PDA Families | 00:05:06 The first is families who have learned about PDA but are still defaulting to the demand avoidance frame when explaining it to schools, which makes it easy for administrators to push back by saying the child just needs to deal with demands. The second is schools latching onto the term PDA itself, either saying they do not recognize it or using it superficially, without understanding the nervous system mechanisms underneath it. Dr. Huff's approach is to move past the label entirely and focus on the root cause: what is happening in the nervous system, what does dysregulation look like for this specific learner, and what changes in the environment and approach can support access and safety.How to Frame the Conversation in an IEP Meeting | 00:13:53 Dr. Huff focuses on three areas that school staff are almost never formally trained on: sensory needs, communication access when regulated and dysregulated, and executive functioning, of which regulation is a component. She always starts with a profile letter that describes the whole learner before getting into accommodations or concerns, and she prefers working with teachers directly because they are often the most unheard people in the room and the most open to trying something new when asked what they are actually seeing.Accommodations Dr. Huff Advocates for Most Consistently | 00:29:43 The first is declarative language, documented with a concrete example of what it actually looks like in practice, because most teams have heard the term but are not using it correctly. The second is a nonverbal communication plan, for when the learner is dysregulated, that could include a designated safe space and trusted person, identified by the learner rather than assigned by the school, paired with a low-profile signal like a hand gesture or an email so the learner can access that space without drawing attention.Her Approach to Functional Behavioral Assessments | 00:40:11 Dr. Huff sees FBAs as useful primarily because they reveal the school's perception of the learner, even when the terminology reflects a behavioral lens she does not share. Once she understands what the school believes is driving the behavior, she goes into rewrite mode with her families: adjusting the language, shifting the approach toward relationship, safety and trust, and pushing back on behavior intervention plans that default to token economies and compliance strategies.What to Do When a Child Is Too Burned Out to Access School | 00:37:27 Dr. Huff has successfully advocated for truncated days and reduced schedules. Her consistent position is that a reduced schedule does not let the school off the hook for providing free and appropriate public education, but it does acknowledge where the child's nervous system is right now and creates a starting point that can be adjusted over time based on what is actually working.Relevant ResourcesYour FBA Is a Fantasy — Book by Rick and Doris Bowman on how to approach functional behavioral assessments through a trauma-informed, neuro-affirming lens rather than a behavior modification lens, recommended directly by Dr. Huff in this episode.Collaborative & Proactive Solutions — Ross Greene's framework for addressing the root causes of challenging behavior through collaboration rather than compliance, referenced by Dr. Huff as a resource for reframing FBAs.The Affirming Village Podcast — Podcast hosted by Dr. Destiny Huff and Lisa Baskin Wright on neuro-affirming approaches to education and parenting.Neuro-Affirming Special Education Handbook — Dr. Huff's book on navigating special education in the US from a neuro-affirming standpoint, including guidance on IEPs, FBAs, and supporting PDA learners.Advocacy and Consultation With Dr. Destiny Huff — Dr. Huff's direct services for families, including IEP meeting attendance, drafting parent input statements, and consultation on supporting PDA and neurodivergent learners in schools.Dr. Destiny Huff on Instagram — Follow Dr. Huff for ongoing content on neuro-affirming special education advocacy, IEP navigation, and supporting neurodivergent learners in schools.PDANA - Dr. Destiny Huff is board member of PDA North America.Paradigm Shift Program — My signature program for parents of PDA children and teens taught across twelve weeks of live coaching.

Chris Deutch is a Chicago-based angel investor, founder of Lofty Ventures, and a PDA adult who only recently found the language to make sense of his own childhood. In this conversation, he and Casey trace his path from a kid being carried into school kicking and screaming to a twenty-seven-year career backing entrepreneurs.They talk about what PDA actually looked like in his childhood, including food rigidity, school refusal, and the moment his father's words changed everything. They also explore the overlap between the PDA neurotype and entrepreneurship: autodidactic learning, passion as a regulator, problem-founder fit, and the drive for autonomy that makes traditional employment so hard.This episode is for parents who want to hear what growing up PDA can lead to, and for adults who are hearing this language for the first time and wondering if it fits.Key Takeaways What PDA Looked Like in Chris's Childhood | 00:03:58 Chris describes being carried into school kicking and screaming, refusing to go most days during his early years, and eventually being moved to a smaller school with more resources. He reflects that he was likely in burnout during that period without having any language for it. He also shares a specific memory of food rigidity: he would not eat a Ritz cracker if it was broken, and mashed potatoes had to look exactly like they did on TV. He was prescribed milkshakes by a doctor because he was so underweight. The Moment Autonomy Changed Everything | 00:08:18 Chris describes a turning point in his junior year of high school. His father sat with him over a bad report card and told him he was done pushing, and that Chris needed to decide for himself whether getting into a good college was something he wanted. Chris describes this as his first epiphany. The following semester, he got nearly straight A's. He connects this directly to the PDA pattern: once the goal became his own decision rather than an external demand, he was able to access the focus and effort that had previously been unavailable to him. Passion as a Nervous System Regulator | 00:14:38 Chris and Casey discuss how, for PDA individuals, passion functions differently than it does for most people. Chris describes losing track of time, forgetting to eat, and staying up until 4AM teaching himself computer graphics in college, entirely self-directed. Casey connects this to what she has seen in her own son, who taught himself to code and read through Minecraft because it had a purpose he cared about. Chris describes using this pattern as a litmus test he now shares with others: the things you do where you forget to eat and lose track of time are probably your passions. PDA Strengths and Entrepreneurship | 00:41:32 Casey and Chris identify several PDA-associated strengths that appear to support entrepreneurial thinking: autodidactic learning, the drive to transform and create rather than follow existing paths, energetic radar for reading people quickly, and a strong orientation toward equality and collective benefit. Chris describes the four criteria he looks for in founders he backs, and explains why the fourth, what he calls problem-founder fit, may overlap with how PDA individuals naturally relate to problems they personally experience and feel compelled to solve. Advice for Parents of PDAers and Neurodivergent Adults | 01:05:23 Chris offers two closing pieces of advice. For parents, he returns to the curling analogy he introduced earlier in the conversation: help grease the skids and guide the direction, but do not push. Give children the freedom to discover their own passions, and help them understand what passion actually feels like. For adults who recognize themselves in this conversation, he distinguishes between entrepreneurship as a career and an entrepreneurial mindset as a way of operating in any context. He describes the mindset as a skill that will become more valuable as AI continues to reshape the workforce, and encourages listeners to nurture it regardless of whether they ever start a company.Relevant Resources What Is PDA — Foundation for understanding the neurotype Chris and Casey discuss throughoutFinding Meaning — Free class relevant for parents and adults exploring PDA strengths and long-term perspectiveUnderstanding PDA — Free class for deeper context on autonomy, equality, and the nervous system disability framework

Ivy is a mom celebrating her almost 17-year-old son's GED . The years before this moment included school refusal, police contact, CPS involvement, inpatient treatment, and substance use. Things are calmer now, but the household is still walking on eggshells and Ivy is still trying to figure out what comes next.In this episode, Casey and Ivy talk through what addiction looks like through a nervous system and PDA lens, why the home Ivy has created is doing more than it feels like it is, and what the timeline for recovery actually looks like for a teen who has spent years in cumulative activation.This is one of the few episodes that goes into older teen territory, including the hard questions parents in this situation are living with but rarely see addressed.Key Takeaways Understanding Addiction Through a Nervous System Lens | 00:16:08 Casey explains how she understands addiction in the context of PDA: as a consistent attempt to get out of a physically uncomfortable state of nervous system activation. She describes the addictive swing between mobilization and immobilization and how substances, risky friendships, and dangerous behavior can all function as attempts to regulate a nervous system that has no other reliable pathway to felt safety. She references the work of Jan Winhall, who uses polyvagal theory to understand addiction through a felt sense lens. Why the Home Ivy Has Built Is Working | 00:20:39 Ivy describes her son returning home more frequently, self-grounding after hard nights, and spending time in his room in silence rather than staying away. Casey reframes this as evidence that Ivy has created an alternative to the addictive swing: a place where he can actually return to regulation. She names the trade-off clearly. The cost to Ivy is high. The benefit to her son is real, even when it does not feel like progress. The Timeline for Recovery in Older Teens | 00:34:18 Casey walks through why recovery takes longer for teens who have spent years in cumulative nervous system activation. She describes the process of building a window of tolerance from near zero, and explains why attempting therapy, job applications, or direct conversations before that window is established tends to close it back down. She suggests focusing the next six months to a year on deepening felt safety and waiting for him to initiate, rather than trying to move him forward before his nervous system is ready. What Useful Support Actually Looks Like at This Stage | 00:36:22 Casey describes what therapeutic connection can look like for a PDA teen who will not engage with formal therapy: a barista who does not judge him, someone who plays the same video game, a person on Reddit who sees him as he is. She makes the case that the modality matters less than the quality of the relationship, and that paradoxically, the only moment of real influence comes when a parent has fully released the goal of changing the child's behavior. Counting the Wins When Everything Still Feels Hard | 00:40:47 Toward the end of the conversation, Ivy names what is actually happening on this trip: her son is choosing to be with the family, getting in the ocean, teaching himself to fish on the local shore. Casey reflects that from that place of connection, the long-term trajectory can shift. The episode closes with Casey acknowledging how much Ivy has carried and naming the progress that is already there, even when it is hard to see.Relevant Resources Burnout — Free class with context for understanding the cumulative nervous system activation Casey describes in this episodeUnderstanding PDA — Free class with deeper background on the nervous system disability framework and what drives demand avoidanceParadigm Shift Program — Our signature program where the low-demand approach Ivy is practicing is taught in full

This is part three of my hygiene and PDA series, and it is focused entirely on practical strategies. I cover bathing and showering, hair washing, hair brushing, nail clipping, hand washing, and getting dressed.I walk through four types of accommodations I use with my own sons and with the families I work with: lowering demands, autonomy, equality, and novelty combined with nervous system safety. For each hygiene category, I give concrete examples of what these look like in real life.If you are looking for the why behind hygiene resistance, I recommend starting with part one of this series first.Key Takeaways Why the Logic Matters Before the Tips | 00:03:35 Casey opens by explaining why understanding the root cause of hygiene resistance matters before applying any practical strategy. If the tips are used as behavioral tools to make a child comply, the child will perceive threat and exert more control. The goal is to lower cumulative nervous system stress over time, not to produce a one-time result. She distinguishes between hygiene resistance that happens in the moment and resistance that has built through months or years of accumulated nervous system activation.Prioritization and Deconditioning the Shoulds | 00:10:06 Before giving any practical tips, Casey invites parents to question which hygiene needs are genuinely health-related and which are driven by social conditioning or fear of judgment. She shares a personal story from fieldwork in rural Mexico that shifted her own perspective on hygiene standards. She walks through each category, including bathing, hair washing, getting dressed, and nail clipping, and names where there may be more flexibility than parents typically allow themselves. Lowering Demands as an Accommodation | 00:24:57 Casey defines lowering demands as doing things for a child that they are physically and cognitively capable of doing themselves, when their nervous system cannot currently access those tasks without activation. She gives detailed examples across hygiene categories: running the bath, adjusting the water temperature, bringing clothes to a child rather than expecting them to get their own, using wet wipes or deodorant wipes instead of requiring a full shower, and washing a child's hair or hands for them. She emphasizes that this is not enabling but a temporary nervous system accommodation. Autonomy as an Accommodation: Where, When, How, What, and If | 00:32:00 Casey breaks autonomy into five dimensions and applies each one to hygiene. Where can a child bathe, wash their hands, or get dressed? When do they do it, and can they choose the timing? How do they do it, and can that look different than expected? What do they use, and can they choose the products? And finally, if, meaning can we accept that sometimes it may not happen at all during a burnout period? She gives concrete examples for each hygiene category and notes that addressing autonomy goes to the root cause of what activates the nervous system. Equality, Novelty, and Nervous System Safety | 00:48:00 Casey covers more accommodation types. Equality accommodations involve letting the child feel above the parent, whether by letting them take over the parent's bath, having them brush the parent's hair first, or allowing them to wipe their hands on the parent's clothing. Novelty accommodations include remote control boats in the bath, foam soap, bath bombs with surprises inside, iPad access during bathing, colored hair spray, and special-interest themed clothing. She closes with nervous system safety: staying physically near during hygiene routines, using declarative language, and allowing a sibling's presence to co-regulate when that is available.Relevant Resources Burnout — Free class with essential context for understanding hygiene resistance as a sign of cumulative nervous system activationUnderstanding PDA — Free class with background on autonomy, equality, and the nervous system disability framework Casey builds on throughoutParadigm Shift Program — Our signature program where lowering demands, autonomy, and equality accommodations are taught in full

This is the first of three episodes about hygiene and Pathological Demand Avoidance.In this episode I focused on how to think about PDA and hygiene struggles, and understanding the root cause of struggles around:Teeth brushingGoing to the dentistShowering and bathingHair washingHand washingNail clippingHair cuttingGetting dressedMore specifically, in this episode I talk through:The Deep Why behind hygiene strugglesSensory vs. Autonomy as a root cause of avoidanceThe cumulative nature of PDA and control coalescing around a basic need (in this case hygiene)Discernment - Asking yourself the right questions about burnout and whether hygiene is the "stickiest" basic need for your child or teen.Decision-making around boundaries before we worry about accommodationsI hope you find the show helpful. I'll release two more episodes on hygiene soon!xo,CaseyPS - New to PDA? You can take our free 6-minute quiz to learn how well your child or teen fits the profile.

In this episode I talk with our coach Donna Georgen - parent of PDA 28- and 21-year-olds - about her top tips for parenting PDA teens.This is the second of two episodes in which Donna and I discussed this topic. In the first episode we covered five of her tips, and in this episode we cover five more.Here they are:Reflect on successNormalize discomfort and fearLet go of future fearsPause social media as neededBreathe -- you're doing great!I hope you find our conversation helpful!PS - Want to work with Donna to move your family forward? She offers private coaching that you can learn all about here.