Change My Relationship

What is the difference between a boundary and a wall? Watch this video to think about the differences and when you might want to consider one vs the other. Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/J1B_7sEMADA

Rachel shares the crazy cycle of hope and despair she experienced in her painful seventeen-year marriage to a narcissistic, abusive husband. With raw emotions and heartfelt concern for other women and men in abusive relationships, she explains why it took her this long to do what finally convinced him to change. While there is no guarantee that your spouse can and will change, there is hope if you do this one thing in a way you have yet to. And if that doesn't produce change, you will have discovered something valuable that you need to know once and for all. Resources: "CoupleTalk: Cracking the Code to an Amazing Relationship" offers a set of powerful communication tools which teach you healthy ways to communicate as a couple about any topic – no matter how sensitive – and help you to improve your everyday communication. CoupleTalk combines insightful video-based instruction, interactive in-class exercises, and a workbook filled with practical advice and helps. It can be used by a couple alone at home, in a small group at home or church, or in a large group of couples as a weekend retreat or couples conference. Many counselors and pastors also use CoupleTalk as an “at home” supplement to their work with couples. https://coupletalk.com/ Hosting Your Own Class: CoupleTalk Hosts are regular couples and individuals who agree to host the video series at their church or community center, or even in their home. No special training is needed to host the video series, and CoupleTalk offers a variety of helpful supports. https://coupletalk.com/ Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/6VEs7Ht_lHo

There are four types of controllers who attempt to control you. You need to know who they are and what they do so you can refuse to allow their controlling to work. Watch this video to see what they are. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/mM9bpzSDF54

Christians believe that God wants them to put their spouses first before their children. This is especially true when women believe that they need to submit to their husbands. Watch this video to find out when the children need to put first. Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/dfubuhOI2GI

Do you find yourself frequently feeling resentful about what other people did or make you do? Resentment isn't a fun feeling and it can interfere with your enjoyment of life. Watch this video on how not to be resentful. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g9eaW7kAXSY

It's not easy to admit wrongdoing when it is pointed out to you. The natural reaction is to rationalize your actions. It matters how you react because it affects your relationships with everyone, including God. It may seem like an unimportant issue, but it isn't. You know how frustrated and exasperated you feel when someone refuses to take responsibility and instead uses blame-shifting. Watch this video to find out how you can admit your wrongdoing and stop rationalizing your actions. Accountability matters, and apologizing is important, even in your dysfunctional relationships. #dysfunctionalrelationship #rationalization #takingresponsibility #apologize #blameshifting #christianrelationshipadvice #accountability Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/31s2KPmKTb4

Manipulative setups by manipulators are purposeful acts that force you into a dilemma that is then exploited to get what the manipulator wants. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5RgUFicVFYo

There are many reasons that it is difficult to divorce an abuser, but one of the most important is concern over how the children will be impacted. The fear can be enough to prevent abuse victims from taking the steps to move forward. It is for this reason that Tawni Carney and Karla Downing share personal and professional experience from their ministry with domestic abuse survivors on how to protect and support children when divorcing an abuser. They identify common problems that arise with children and offer practical, heartfelt advice on how to deal with them. They cover questions such as how to respond to kids' anger and grief, how to handle visitation struggles, how to talk about the abuser, and more. They also offer suggestions for bringing God into children's lives as a source of strength. Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims. Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children’s wear line, she went on to serve as a Children’s Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to families throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.” Today, as the Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global. Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore you and your children. The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm. Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. #Christianmarriageadvice #Christianrelationshipadvice #Christiandivorcesupport #domesticviolencesurvivors #abusiverelationships #abusivemarriage #emotionalabuse #childabuse #EaglesWingsGlobal #karladowning Resources Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website. https://eagleswingsglobal.org Love Does No Harm Workbook on Amazon https://amzn.to/4ryz4Y6 California Victims Compensation Fund https://victims.ca.gov/ Feelings Wheel for Adults and Teens https://www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/Free-Feelings-Wheel-Printable-PDF-Emotion-Wheel-Chart-for-Teens-Young-People-Adults.pdf Feelings Wheel for Children https://www.catbears.com/images/social-stories/feelings-wheel/the-catbears-feelings-wheel.pdf Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/AYWN4WQ3g9Q

Emotional manipulators make promises and give you gifts to get you to do what they want. You need to recognize when these promises and gifts are being used to get you to give in to the manipulators demands. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/IqIII8W5lZg

Tawni shares her story of survival in an abusive marriage and her healing journey after her decision to divorce. She and Karla discuss how the Church gets it wrong by responding to abuse victims in a way that often causes more pain. They identify common phrases that, sometimes unknowingly, twist Bible verses and lead to misunderstandings the right way to respond. The hidden message is often one that produces guilt and over-responsibility for the victim. They also offer suggestions on how to support children in abusive marriages and through divorce. Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims. Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children’s wear line, she went on to serve as a Children’s Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to women throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.” Today, as the Acting Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global in Orange County, California, Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore. The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm. Resources Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men in Southern California. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website. https://eagleswingsglobal.org Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/yN1su0zUxYU

Getting mentally ill people to medicate is a frustrating experience. Yet, they have to in order to get better and be more independent. Watch this video to look at the real-life options you have. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LnH3ylmyJBc

Have you ever felt lost in conversations where resolution seems out of reach? Have you wondered why every attempt you make to explain is met with roadblocks that leave you even more frustrated? If so, you might be encountering what Annette Oltmans of The Mend Project calls "The Maze of Confusion." The Maze of Confusion is a strategy used by emotional abusers to derail genuine communication. By weaving a complex web of distractions and dead ends, they prevent meaningful dialogue, leaving their partners overwhelmed and disoriented. Instead of engaging in healthy conversations, these tactics create barriers to understanding and resolution, leading to increased confusion and emotional pain. In this conversation, Annette and Karla talk about the tactics used to block communication in emotionally abusive relationships from their own experience and from their work with thousands of abuse victims and survivors. Their conversation contrasts unhealthy tactics that prevent resolution with the characteristics of healthy communication that foster understanding and resolution. This podcast is packed with helpful information that empowers abuse victims and abuse survivors. They need labels for the tactics that are used to control them. They need to understand the motives that drive the abuser's behavior. They need validation to counter the gaslighting and invalidation. Understanding and navigating this maze can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Annette is the founder of The Mend Project, an organization that seeks to educate, equip, and restore all who are impacted by emotional abuse and train those who interface with them personally or professionally. Please take a moment to review their resources.#confusion #emotionalabuse #emotionalabusesurvivor #domesticviolencesurvivors Resources and Links: The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/ Find Clarity and Healing Course - https://themendproject.com/find-clarity-and-healing-course/ "My Journey Through Double Abuse" - interview of Annette Oltmans' story. https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-a4tmz-1004118 "I Was a Covert Emotional Abuser" - Interview of Bucky Oltmans' story https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-ebkpt-107fd04 Maze of Confusion, Terms and Definitions and Other Free Resources from The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/resources/ Karla Downing's Classes - https://www.changemyrelationship.com/current-and-upcoming-classes/ Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationshipYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ewZv3bY0tcg