Crina and Kirsten Get to Work

Here’s part two of the discussion about David Brooks’s book, How to Know a Person. Brooks’ book addresses topics and ideas central to being human - and are maybe more relevant to the workplace - which is a ready made community to apply the principles of knowing each other. This is a two parter because there is A LOT to talk about. Brooks suggests that the ability to see others deeply—and to allow ourselves to be deeply seen—is essential to human flourishing. He posits that many of today’s social ills, including the loneliness epidemic and widespread mistrust, stem from our habit of skimming relationships, treating people as functions rather than as full, complex selves. The workplace, where we discover what people truly need—everything from health care, rest, culture, belonging—is one of the most powerful settings for rebuilding this lost capacity. Brooks frames the aspiration of knowing others through the figure of the Illuminator, the person who makes others feel visible, valued, and understood. People - and particularly leaders - who act as Illuminators create psychological safety, mattering, and authenticity— can be cornerstones of strong workplace culture. Illuminators ask better questions, remain present in conversation, and resist one-size-fits-all assumptions. Their counterpart, the Diminisher, those who unintentionally lessen others, sees people through narrow judgment or distraction. The book unfolds in three broad movements. “I See You” explores the foundations of genuine perception: curiosity, disciplined attention, and the humility to resist fast judgment. Brooks examines the obstacles—egotism, anxiety, naive realism, static mindsets—and contrasts them with the qualities that bring people closer: tenderness, receptivity, affection, generosity. Good conversation becomes an act of care: listening loudly, favoring familiarity, asking questions that make the speaker the author of their experience, and embracing silence as meaning-making. “I See You in Your Struggles” addresses how disconnection fuels political animosity, technological dehumanization, and profound loneliness. When people aren’t seen, misunderstandings escalate—even to violence. Brooks emphasizes this concept he calls accompaniment: which means being with someone in hardship without rushing to fix them, honoring their unique point of view, and approaching them with humility. Finally, “I See You With Your Strengths” turns to helping people live into their gifts. Understanding personality traits, life stage, and changing identities allows us to appreciate people in their evolving fullness. Seeing others deeply—at work and beyond—is ultimately the antidote to loneliness and a path to more humane, connected communities - and, as Brooks posits, may even be part of the antidote to our political divide.

In 2025, a record number of Americans—8.5 million—are working two jobs. This surge in “moonlighting” is presenting new challenges for employers and creating big impacts - good and bad for employees. While some workers seek extra income to meet rising living costs and cope with inflation - or guard against uncertainty, others pursue second jobs to gain skills, explore interests, or test entrepreneurial ideas. Women and young adults aged 20–24 are particularly likely to moonlight, often out of both necessity and ambition. Moonlighting encompasses everything from freelance work and gig economy jobs to online businesses and passion and experiment projects. The concept of two jobs has evolved beyond traditional notions of “after-hours” work and now includes diverse forms of supplemental employment. Working two jobs raises questions about burnout, work-life balance, performance impacts, and whether to implement formal moonlighting policies. The economic driver behind dual jobholding appears to be motivated by stress over job insecurity, with Gen Z, in particular, struggling. 69% of our Gen Zers live paycheck to paycheck, up from 57% in 2023. Burnout is also escalating. A March 2025 survey revealed 68% of Gen Z workers report burnout, and they’re hitting that wall earlier in life—around age 25—compared to prior generations. The pressure is compounded for women, who are more likely to juggle paid work with caregiving responsibilities, leading to chronic stress, health risks, and strained relationships. Despite these challenges, second jobs often don’t hurt performance—but they do increase the risk of burnout and work-family conflict. That reality is prompting many forward-thinking employers to rethink their stance on moonlighting, which has generally been negative. Rather than discouraging side gigs, progressive organizations are adopting flexible schedules, mental health support, and career development strategies that align with employees' evolving needs. Ultimately, moonlighting is not a fleeting trend—it reflects a structural shift in how Americans work and live. By acknowledging and supporting employees who hold second jobs, employers can foster engagement, loyalty, and resilience in an evolving economy. Supporting moonlighters isn't just about accommodating outside work—it's about adapting to a changing workforce with empathy, flexibility, and foresight.

Reverse mentoring flips the script, pairing ambitious younger employees with seasoned leaders to share insights on today’s hot topics, from tech trends to leadership styles. First popularized by Jack Welch at GE in the '90s, it’s now a strategic powerhouse for attracting and retaining young talent. The magic happens when the right pairs are formed—think introverts with extroverts—to spark dynamic conversations. Engaging mentees in the process is key, as addressing any fears about crossing hierarchical lines lays the groundwork for trust. Without commitment, even the best matches can fizzle out. The perks are hard to ignore: Companies with reverse mentoring programs report a 72% boost in communication and an impressive 96% retention rate for younger employees. Participants leave feeling empowered, fostering innovation and keeping leaders in tune with market shifts. Plus, it amplifies diversity and inclusion by shedding light on workplace challenges. Take BNY Mellon, where the program has deepened connections and encouraged leaders to seek employee input. Others, like Estée Lauder and British Airways, have tapped into reverse mentoring to drive culture change and dismantle barriers. In short, reverse mentoring is a two-way street, turning the wisdom of experience into fresh perspectives that invigorate the workplace.

The transition to a leadership role is a significant and often challenging shift. Research shows that over 60% of new managers fail to make this transition effectively. This is largely because leadership is not simply a scaled-up version of individual contribution; it requires a fundamental change in mindset, behavior, and priorities. Leaders must redefine success from personal achievement to enabling team performance. This includes developing empathy, resolving complex team conflicts, and delegating effectively. Delegation is especially crucial—it not only distributes workload but also fosters team development. New leaders must learn how to set expectations, offer appropriate support, and monitor progress without micromanaging. Our motivation at work changes because our role changes - we are no longer the top performer, but supporting others to be the top performer. Self-awareness also becomes more important. A leader’s emotions and behaviors have broader impacts, so maintaining composure and understanding one’s influence on others is key. Conflict resolution becomes even more important in a leadership role.Reflection takes on a larger role; leaders need to routinely evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and how their leadership style affects outcomes. Common pitfalls derail many new leaders. These include trying to do too much too quickly, over-relying on authority, micromanaging out of fear, making hasty changes, and lacking clarity around leadership philosophy and mindset. New leaders also struggle with setting boundaries, aligning with their boss’s priorities, and effectively communicating unpopular changes. Harvard suggests three major mindset shifts to ease the transition: From Expert to Coach: Instead of being the smartest person in the room, leaders help their managers develop judgment and independence. Asking probing questions and tolerating ambiguity are key to this shift. From Execution to Driving Impact Through Others: Successful leaders move away from task management and toward creating the conditions for others to succeed. Although this shift can feel intangible, its effects—like better decision-making and long-term team growth—are meaningful and distinguish the exceptional leaders. From Oversight to Scalable Systems: As responsibilities expand, leaders must focus on high-priority areas and create systems that enable delegation and escalation. Establishing clear thresholds for manager autonomy (e.g., budget limits or hiring decisions) prevents overload and ensures oversight remains strategic - and allows time for reflection - the thinking work of the leader. Success in leadership comes from building systems, letting go of control and trusting others. GOOD READS Navigating the Jump from Manager to Executive Ease your Transition from Individual Contributor to Leader | Odgers Transition Traps - Inspired Leadership

The review process is in general not great. Research says only 21% of your review reflects your actual performance. The other 79%? Reviewer preferences, interpretation differences, and who happened to see you shine—or not. One person’s “excellent communicator” is another’s “talks too much at meetings.” Welcome to the land of subjectivity. And let’s not forget the recency bias. Most of us can’t remember what we had for lunch last week, let alone your Q1 wins. Performance reviews often rely heavily on the last six weeks—which means your January brilliance is now irrelevant. We start with a flawed process that can feel deeply personal, which as we know is a bad mix for our ease, meaning and joy at work. So what can we do? Before the review, ask: What’s expected of me? What’s the goal of this review? Do you want a response? When? During the review: Listen—sometimes that’s enough. Keep your cool—even if your face betrays you. Ask questions—gently, curiously. Buy time—especially if you didn’t see it coming. Hunt for the helpful—what’s useful, what’s noise? Craft your response—thanks, questions, or a plan. If you're underperforming—own it. Ask what improvement looks like. Show don’t tell—words are easy, action is powerful. Create a plan—share it, follow up, stay engaged. If you're surprised by feedback, that’s probably not failure—it’s probably information. Maybe your boss doesn’t give real-time feedback. Maybe expectations were never clearly shared. And there are times when we can be just not plugged in and self-aware - considering why we are surprised can be very helpful. And remember: this isn’t just feedback on you. It’s also a window into your boss, your team, and your company. There’s data in how they deliver feedback, what they notice, and what they miss. So take a breath. Accept the review as just one piece of a much bigger picture. Learn what you can. Then, let it go, Elsa. Let it go. GOOD READS Why You Might Want to Say Goodbye to the Annual Performance Review | Working Knowledge How to Respond to a Performance Review: 9 Tips Employees Need to Know — ManageBetter (32) How to Respond Effectively During Your Performance Review: A Guide to Standing Out and Driving Growth | LinkedIn 17 Phrases To Respond to Constructive Criticism, According to Psychologists - Parade Responding to Feedback You Disagree With Performance Reviews

Joy! Joy! Joy! SHOW NOTES Let’s start with a clarification: happiness and joy are not identical twins. Happiness is that bubbly high you get from winning a raffle or finding a parking spot downtown—it’s external, fleeting, like confetti in the wind. Joy, on the other hand, is more of a soul-deep warmth—steady, internal, and linked to meaning and purpose. Happiness is like a 4th of July sparkler and joy is a campfire that keeps you cozy when life gets chilly. Research says we all need three things for a fulfilling life: achievement, meaning, and joy. Most overachievers nail the first two. But joy? That elusive third wheel often gets left in the dust under a pile of emails and grocery lists for our resident overachievers. Why? It is just a matter of time, or rather lack thereof. A study of 1,500 busy Harvard alums found that after work, chores, and basic hygiene, people had a whopping three hours a day left for discretionary joy-seeking. How those three hours are spent is as important as the three hours themselves. Some folks squeezed the last drop of joy out of those hours and others, well, not so much. So, how do the joy-masters do it? Engage with Others: Want joy? Get yourself some good friends—and Kirsten called it -particularly some friends who are good at joy - aka Crina. Meaningful conversation, shared laughs, music and maybe even some outdoor adventure. Joy multiplies when it’s a group project. Avoid the Couch Trap: Passive downtime (we’re looking at you, Netflix and doomscrolling) scores low on the joy meter. Opt for active pursuits—gardening, hiking, baking, even volunteering. Your joy-o-meter will thank you. Follow Your Passion: Do what you love. Autonomy is joy’s secret sauce. Mix It Up: Variety is the spice of joyful life. Too much of one hobby leads to diminishing returns (yes, even pickleball). Keep your free time fresh. Protect Your Time: Guard your off-hours like a mama bear. Detaching from work is essential. Each extra work hour may rob you of joy—each hour of leisure gives it back. In the end, joy isn’t a luxury—it’s a rebellion, a survival tactic, and maybe, just maybe, your best productivity hack yet. Good Reads: How the Busiest People Find Joy Unwrapping the Science of Joy - John Templeton Foundation