Cut & Retie

This week, Kevin Blinkoff from "On The Water" cozies up under an afghan and tells us about catching snook that are actually catfish, we pop a Xanax and pray our boat will be fixed in time to score a bite under the fillet table, eat sandwiches under a bridge as downpours dash our glide bait hopes, and pledge to make fishing in mumus cool again.

This week, Tim Romano beams in to tell us about his favorite alpaca mousing sweater, we wrap ourselves in wet bed sheets and take a drive with the mayor of Gunnison Canyon, cry about the lack of water in the West and rejoice over the film "Spring Breakers," and opt into being total weirdos at the bass club and ghetto continental breakfast.

This week, veteran captain Frank Campbell drags a Chinook behind his truck on the way to buy organizational storage bins, we drop a pile of loose crankbaits on the floor of boat and then refuse to use them, insist we know better than the guide when it comes to screaming at no one like a YouTuber, and fill a shopping cart with rancid fish in the name of charity.

This week, guide, author, and actor Ken Baldwin gets drunk and disorderly on the set of "Rudy," we suffer through Yoo-Hoo and bourbon to stick smallmouths in a gale, bring a hundred pounds of chum salmon home to our ungrateful wives and children, and give our clients some hot air so their bear spray doesn't blow up in the tent.

This week, West Virginia fly guide Jacob Ott teaches Jamie Cermele how to ask the most annoying client questions, we run the Saturday palomino gauntlet until a whiskey double becomes the only cure for insanity, flail dry-dropper combos into every tree within 20 feet of 600 hungry rainbows, and harvest wild ramps after netting the brook trout of a 7-year-old lifetime.

This week, veteran TV angler and Bassmaster emcee, Dave Mercer, explains why Canadian anglers won't wave at you if your truck's on fire, we get featured on the news and blame Joe Montana, offer one-minute tips to people who can't spend 30 seconds soaking cut bait, and Hawg Craw our way to amazing underwater footage of fish choking to death.

This week river rat Paul Cain revs the "Shit Runner 2" for big-water trout redemption not involving anything chartreuse, we fail to impress our parents with our fire breathing skills, discuss the joys of auto anchor deployment when hunting trophy "inlands," travel back to 1982 for wings, and refuse to back down on proving fish like to eat live minnows.

This week, Jimmy Fee, Matt Haeffner, and Nick Cancelliere from "On The Water" mark their calendars for the tarred line perch fishing seminar, we let sexy ladies fill our mouths with fiberglass while jigging snake mackerel, lose the striper of a lifetime during a Swiss cheese incident, and donate a kidney to a woman with tired feet who doesn't care at all about fishing.

This week, veteran captain Gene Quigley covers himself in pickled herring before the bilge pumps fail 100 miles offshore, we hunt giant bluefin tuna with yellow 4-weight Fenwick fly rods, say the very wrong thing during a very right mahi-mahi bite, and score swordfish on a party boat filled with South Philly zombies.

This week, Miles Nolte jumps in a helicopter and flies right to the Cricket Wireless store, we find 8-pound trout on dries but can't locate the whiskey we buried, slog through nipple deep costume jewelry dilemmas, and sing nu-metal songs instead of the reciting the Hail Marys a priest told us we really need to say.

This week, Rio fly designer and veteran guide, Brita Fordice, passes on GTs to perform triggerfish home invasions, we whip up some killer mantis shrimp and feed them to a life-sized Nut Cracker, get chased by creepers as we try to grab an endangered animal, and explain why the bugs you tied are just too special to lose so maybe try her patterns instead.

This week, "Book of Quint" author, Ryan Dacko, drops by to give whale and dolphin coloring books to your sister, we go to the end of the pulpit only to find a Hoagie and a "Jaws" shoe horn, write DiCaprio into a cinematic masterpiece featuring at least one toll booth scene, and learn our favorite hero's rot-gut moonshine recipe.

This week, Joe's mom and Uncle Ron drop by to reminisce about growing up in a tackle shop and drinking with Popcorn The Clown, we reel in dolphin while sound asleep, steal a wooden striper during a frat hazing, and debunk near-death experiences while minnow trapping.