When Twins Start Comparing: A Guide for Parents

When Twins Start Comparing: A Guide for Parents

From Dad's Guide to Twins by Joe Rawlinson, twin pregnancy and raising twins expert

February 18, 2026 · 14 min

About this episode

This episode discusses the normal phase of comparison among twins and offers strategies for parents to help their children develop their own identities.

You’ve probably noticed it happening. One of your twins comes home from soccer practice and announces, “I’m not as fast as Emma.” Or maybe during dinner, one twin says, “Everyone likes Tyler better than me.” Welcome to the comparison phase. It’s completely normal, but it can be tough to watch. Quick Takeaways Twins naturally start comparing themselves around ages 4-7 as part of normal development Constant comparison can lock kids into narrow roles (the athletic one, the shy one) Minimize direct comparisons in your language and celebrate each child’s unique strengths One-on-one time and separate activities help each twin develop their own identity Focus on personal growth over competition (compare them to their past selves, not each other) Why This Happens (And Why It’s More Intense for Twins) Around ages 4 to 7, kids develop social comparison skills. They’re figuring out how they stack up against other kids, which is a totally normal part of growing up. But for twins? This process is on steroids. My girls have always had a built-in comparison point who’s the exact same age, in the same house, often in the same…

Topics covered

  • comparison
  • twin development
  • parenting strategies

Keywords

  • twin comparison
  • identity development
  • parenting twins

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