Desperate for Love

Desperate lovers… welcome to the final chapter of the Before the Storm mini-series. 🌩️✨In this episode, I open up about my soul. 🕊️About consciousness. About spirituality, purpose, pain, healing, and the painful realization that no one is coming to save us.This conversation is about learning to respect yourself, reconnect with your soul, and stop abandoning your own life waiting for someone else to change it for you. 🤍This episode is about returning home to yourself.Respecting your soul.Accepting your path.Embracing growth, transformation, and human evolution. 🌱Operation Smoke Show is only the beginning. 🔥It is the teeniest, tiniest little speck of my human capacity to evolve.This is my point A.This is BEFORE THE STORM. ⛈️I appreciate you, my Desperate Lovers. xoxo 💋and I’ll be with you in the next one. 🤍

Desperate lovers, when I turn 30 this year I need to look like a full-blown SMOKE SHOW! So, in addition to my "Operation Smoke Show" series on Instagram, I bring to you a mini three-part series that I'd like to call "BEFORE THE STORM". I'm undergoing a transformation and in each episode, I will share my POINT A, my "before", my "before the storm". The storm is Operation Smoke Show . The storm is all the blood, sweat, and tears that are going to be shed over these next few months. In this episode, I open up about the darkness of my mind. :') However, my mind is not my own. I've been programmed. We're ALL programmed, and my program just happens to be the most negative one.I am committed to changing this program. This is hard for me to open up about, but this is authentic. This is what I have to live with, until I change it.PLEASE don't worry about me, I am OK! :)However, I believe it's important to be honest about where I'm starting.I appreciate you, my Desperate Lovers. xoxom and I'll be with you in the next one. 🤍

OHKAY… so after watching the last episode, you might be completely mistaken about what is ACTUALLY happening in my life. I know I kicked the doors in, screaming, “I HAVE CHANGED AND I’M CHANGING!” But life is a highlight reel. What I left out for you is the DARK side of what I deal with every single day. The truth is: every day can feel like a dread. It’s HARD. IT HURTS. Working out every single day is NO JOKE. Pushing yourself to GET UP, do something, and work out—it’s a mission, to say the least. I’m on the borderline of victim mode, feeling sorry for myself, wanting to excuse myself from every workout. However, I made a choice. That choice is: I want to be Fit, Eat Healthy, Sleep Well, be FULL OF ENERGY, and Love Life. No matter what—even if I’m complaining and crying—I still show up for myself every day. It’s not easy, but this is what I need to do to get closer to my dream.

OK. So I've disappeared... It was completely unintentional. I wanted to come back sooner but I was afraid to be imperfect. Not only that, but I came across a rabbit hole that completely knocked me out of my train tracks.. I was in a full crisis mode for weeks.. This podcast was supposed to be about spirituality. I was supposed to transform myself greatly using the wide range of tools available on the spiritual market: crystals, tarot, astrology, yoga, breath work, etc. I now question whether ANY of that stuff is even real... Sorry for being MIA, I'm back, and here is what happened...