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092. Erotic Engineering Principle 002: Invite Your Fear
Apr 6, 2026
45m 11s
091. Erotic Engineering Principle 001: Make A Decision
Mar 16, 2026
28m 27s
090. Transmuting AI Shame Into Erotic Self-Respect
Feb 27, 2026
59m 17s
089. You’re More Powerful Than You Allowed Yourself To Imagine, Now What?
Dec 22, 2025
46m 49s
088. Why You Don’t Have What You Want
Dec 2, 2025
13m 10s
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| Date | Episode | Topics | Guests | Brands | Places | Keywords | Sponsor | Length | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 4/6/26 |  092. Erotic Engineering Principle 002: Invite Your Fear✨ | fearexperiential learning+3 | Amelia Hruby | Seeda SchoolPortrait of a Woman Who Has Fallen from Grace and into the Hands of Evil | — | fearErotic Engineering+3 | — | 45m 11s | |
| 3/16/26 |  091. Erotic Engineering Principle 001: Make A Decision✨ | decision makingpersonal development+3 | — | Seeda SchoolPowerhouse Portal | — | decisiondream+5 | — | 28m 27s | |
| 2/27/26 |  090. Transmuting AI Shame Into Erotic Self-Respect✨ | AIshame+4 | — | Seeda SchoolInstagram+3 | — | AI shameerotic self-respect+3 | — | 59m 17s | |
| 12/22/25 |  089. You’re More Powerful Than You Allowed Yourself To Imagine, Now What?✨ | self-empowermentvulnerability+4 | — | Seeda School | PalestineSudan | Winter Solsticeself-belief+4 | — | 46m 49s | |
| 12/2/25 |  088. Why You Don’t Have What You Want✨ | desireidentity+3 | — | Seeda School | — | Be Do Have frameworkcosmic desire+3 | — | 13m 10s | |
| 10/13/25 |  087. Carving Out SPACE for Creative Ceremony✨ | integrationcolonial code+4 | — | Seeda SchoolAlong the Psychic Highway: Black Women Mystics and Utopias of the Ecstatic | — | integrationart+6 | — | 39m 57s | |
| 9/16/25 |  086. Retreating Inside Agency Inspiring Desire Instead of Paralyzing Fear✨ | desirewhite supremacy culture+4 | — | Seeda SchoolThe Nap Ministry+1 | — | desirewhite supremacy+5 | — | 44m 24s | |
| 9/8/25 |  085. Erotically Engineer Your Paid Creative Offering✨ | creative incomeerotic skills+3 | — | Seeda SchoolErotically Engineer Your Paid Creative Offering | Gullah-Geechee | creative offeringincome stream+3 | — | 35m 48s | |
| 8/29/25 |  084. Create It, Not In The Future, But Now✨ | creativityaudacity+3 | — | Seeda SchoolLaboratory of Erotic Engineering | — | creativityaudacity+4 | — | 29m 08s | |
| 8/7/25 |  083. Use Erotic Engineering To Create A Life Rooted In Your Desire✨ | Erotic Engineeringdesire+3 | — | Seeda SchoolUses of the Erotic, The Erotic As Power+1 | — | Erotic Engineeringdesire+3 | — | 33m 48s | |
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| 7/25/25 |  082. Professionalism Requires Our Lies, Poetry Requires Our Truth | My intention behind this episode is to invite you to seed a public creative practice through, what we call in Seeda School, “weekly dispatches” for time accountability or “creative dispatches” for time freedom. Whatever your desired relationship with time — committing to a cadence of newsletters, podcasts or videos, as dispatches becomes a public ritual of staying close to yourself. A sacred ceremony of bi-directional witnessing.Inside this sacred witnessing ceremony we don’t need your “professionalism” we need your poetry. We don’t need your cynicism, we need your care. We don’t need your cool, we need your conviction. At times it can feel easier to write for cover letters, grant applications, school applications or memos on the job because professional development rarely requires our honesty. Some career-conscious spaces even encourage our lies, asking us to leave our politics at the door as if that’s even possible. It can feel harder to write for ourselves and seed a public practice through creative writing, because our poetry demands our truth. Our poetry demands that we acknowledge our pleasure and politics as the only starting points we need to create work worthy of our breath. Inside this episode I share spells for doing exactly that.ResourcesRegister for the free Worldbuilding Workshop to learn more about Seeda School’s 1:1 Coaching: https://www.seedaschool.com/coachingSubscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzacoFollow Ayana on Threads: @ayzacoFollow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschoolCitations“Suicidal Ideation On The Subway: Taking Me To A World Beyond The Cul-De-Sac” by Ayana Zaire CottonJames Baldwin to Maya Angelou, “If I love you and I duck it, I die” inside “Conversation with a Native Son”“I write best when I stop trying to be brilliant and start trying to be honest.“ — Yrsa Daley-WardAlexis Pauline Gumbs, “We didn’t come here to be right, we came here to love” in Stars and Stars with IsaOcean Vuong in an interview with Sarah Ferguson for 7.30 ABCCover Art: Black and White Photograph of Maya Angelou Writing | — | ||||||
| 7/10/25 |  081. On Bargaining Over The Price of Actualizing Your Desire | Creative actualization demands sacrifice. There’s a saying that goes something like this, “you can have whatever you want, and if you don’t have it you either don’t want it or you’re bargaining over the price”. Now justified political critiques aside, I reference this quote to ask: In what ways are we bargaining over the price of actualizing our desire? Inside this episode I reflect alongside you and the 4 seasons of creative initiation: remembrance, surrender, sacrifice and erotic expression. Sometimes these seasons happen in order, sometimes they are non-linear. Which stage are you in? Will you allow yourself to believe it’s exactly where you’re supposed to be in this season? Let’s stop devising creative ways to get out of taking our own medicine. My intention behind recording this episode is to invite us to allow ourselves to be exactly where we are, willing students of all the wisdom embedded in our current season of transformation and initiation.ResourcesLet’s Work Together 1:1 On Launching Your Public Creative Practice in 8 Weeks (Enrollment Closes July 17th, 2025): https://www.seedaschool.com/coachingSubscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzacoFollow Ayana on Threads: @ayzacoFollow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschoolCitationsAudre Lorde, “Uses of the Erotic, The Erotic As Power” (1978)Cover Art: She Kept Her Conjuring Table Very Neat, 1990, Renee Stout (American, born 1958), mixed media. (Source: Virginia Museum of Fine Arts) | — | ||||||
| 5/26/25 |  079. A Love Song For Conjure Women Cosplaying As Corporate Baddies | You know that meme that’s going around saying “propaganda i'm not falling for”? Well the propaganda we’re not falling for is the discourse that says we need to quit our day jobs in order to be “real artists”, “real diviners”, “real entrepreneurs”. Or whatever, because truth is…we can be working full-time inside our passion and still be in misalignment with the sometimes uncomfortable and terrifying invitations of our creative spirit. My intention behind recording this podcast episode is to invite us to explore how we might bring our full witchy-ness into our work. Less about the "what" of what we do and more about the "how". How do we show up in the fullness of our power, how do we maintain boundaries that support our bodies and how do we refuse to sever ourselves from our spirit for work misaligned with our values? We’ll explore all this and more in today’s episode.ResourcesLet’s Work Together 1:1 On Your Creative Offer: https://www.seedaschool.com/coachingSubscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzacoFollow Ayana on Threads: @ayzacoFollow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschoolCitationsCover Art: Julie Dash, Daughters of the Dust (Film Still), 1991 | — | ||||||
| 5/1/25 |  078. Working Harder is Unnecessary, Certainty Is An Illusion, Hold On To This Instead | My intention behind recording this podcast episode is to ask: are we in a season of seeding or reaping? Are we clinging to the energy of survival mode when spirit is inviting us to breathe and take in the garden we’ve built — enjoying the fruits of our labor and perhaps using them to create the next dish, recipe or project with ease. Perhaps we cling to the energy of survival mode and invent fires to put out because we’re clinging to a feeling of control and certainty. But what if change and transformation don’t have to be disorienting and destabilizing, what if we can relax into the process instead? What if the practice is about using what we have on hand to create an offering and trusting that, that is more than enough, trusting that that is plenty? These are the questions we’re going to explore in today’s episode.ResourcesLearn More and Enroll into the Seed A World Retreat: https://www.seedaschool.com/programSubscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzacoFollow Ayana on Threads: @ayzacoFollow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschoolCitationsA Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want with Jay Shetty on the Mel Robbins PodcastThe Combahee River Collective StatementArthur Jafa: Sequencing the Notes | Art21 "Extended Play"This Japanese Shrine Has Been Torn Down And Rebuilt Every 20 Years for the Past Millennium by Rachel NuwerCover Photo: Elizabeth Catlett, El Abrazo, 1978, Mackey Twins Art Gallery, © Elizabeth Catlett Family Trust / VG Bild-Kunst, Bonn 2023, photo: Frank Sperling | — | ||||||
| 1/20/25 |  069. Scale Your Impact Without Scaling Your Capacity Through the Power of a Framework | You dream of serving folks through your process not your personhood. You are an artist, not an influencer. But your process can sometimes feel illegible, even to you. We’re clear there are life affirming benefits to illegibility, opacity, poesis and abstraction. We’re also clear if we want to serve communities we care about through a creative offer that resources our practice, there needs to be an outline of the transformative journey we will take them through. This is your framework. In this episode I want to go over the power of frameworks and it’s creative capacity to build worlds that extend far beyond us. Resources Register for 4-Part Winter Worldbuilding Workshop and/or Enroll into the Treehouse Today: https://www.seedaschool.com/program Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool Citations “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.” ― Arundhati Roy Code Noir by Canisia Lubrin Torkwase Dyson, “Torkwase Dyson Reflects on Hyper Shapes”, Metropolis Mag, August 26, 2021 Rees, S. (2019, May 11). “For Arthur Jafa, Black Art is the heart of America”. Sydney Opera House Sojourner Truth, "I Sell the Shadow to Support the Substance" (1864), Source: Met Museum Cover Art: Torkwase Dyson, Selections from Tuning (Hypershape, 200–410), 2018, gouache, ink, and pen on paper, 9 × 12 inches. Courtesy of Rhona Hoffman Gallery. | — | ||||||
| 1/13/25 |  068. I Sat Down To Script A Podcast And A Poem For The Fire Leaked Out | My intention behind this episode is not only to advocate for the practice of weekly dispatches but to encourage you and empower you with resources to advocate for your song — aka the work that is uniquely yours. Philadelphia-based prison abolitionist Stephanie Keene says people often ask her, “How can I get involved?” Her response is, “Do what it is you're good at”. Right? WE need you inside what you’re good at, which is to say YOU need you inside what you’re good at. What is your daily, weekly, seasonal practice for showing up inside the chorus of collective liberation? Let’s find out together. Resources Enrollment into the Treehouse is now open! Register for the 4-Part Winter Worldbuilding Workshop Series to learn more: https://www.seedaschool.com/program Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool Citations Ruha Benjamin quotes Stephanie Keene in “Viral Justice: How We Grow the World We Want” on page 22 “The Mythical Black Artist” published on the Threadings podcast by ismatu gwendolyn “Dismantling the Master's Clock: On Race, Space, and Time” by Rasheedah Phillips Cover Art: LaToya Ruby Frazier, “Landscape of the Body (Epilepsy Test)”, (2011). Image Source: Whitney Museum of American Art | — | ||||||
| 1/4/25 |  067. Is It Burnout Or The Energetic Expense Of A Breakthrough? | In this episode I’m inviting you into this question with me: “Is It Burnout Or The Energetic Expense Of A Spiritual Breakthrough?” Now let’s be clear, sometimes it really is burn-out. Sometimes, no…a lot of the times, capitalism, the patriarchal refusal to compensate care work and the lack of a state sanctioned social safety net can really bring us to our knees and leave us feeling burned out. I want to acknowledge that, but what I also want to be emphatically clear about acknowledging is sometimes it is spiritual severance, self-denial and self-negation that is at the core of our exhaustion. What creative invitations have you been resisting? Let’s take a look at that and try to answer these questions together. Resources Register for 4-Part Winter Worldbuilding Workshop: https://www.seedaschool.com/program Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool Citations For the Worldbuilder’s Episode 52 “Releasing the Burden of Being Complicit In Our Own Suffering” published July 4, 2024 Karen M. Rose “Happy 2025 + Capricorn New Moon” Guidance Alexis Pauline Gumbs “Live Q&A About Daily Practice” Mundane Miracles with Sonya Renee Taylor “Episode 6: Let Your Old Life Fall Away” *The Oxford Anthology of African-American Poetry* edited by Arnold Rampersad and Hilary Herbold “Poetry Is Not A Luxury” by Audre Lorde “Uses of the Erotic, The Erotic As Power” by Audre Lorde Cover Art: Mary L. Proctor’s Freedom of Expression (1998) Materials: Costume jewelry, buttons, cowrie shells, paint, on wood door. Dimensions: 80 x 30.5 inches. Image Source | — | ||||||
| 12/21/24 |  066. Moving From Convincing Institutions to Convincing The People | In this episode I want to make the case for breaking away from institutions and creating communal containers of healing instead. And because we’re all about the spell and the strategy at Seeda School…it is also my intention to make the argument that if you are already writing countless grants, drafting applications, making pitches and proposals and making bids for fellowship in institutions that sometimes (or usually) gets awarded, then you are already good at sales. Through this episode I want to invite you to turn that skill toward creating deeper pathways of empowerment for yourself and your communities, not institutions who siphon our worldbuilding capacity for their own survival. This episode is about our survival, our collective ability to thrive. Resources Register for 4-Part Winter Worldbuilding Workshop: https://www.seedaschool.com/program Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool Citations Cover Art: Constellations (2015) by Howardena Pindell (American, born Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1943). Published by Center for Contemporary Printmaking. Medium: Open bite etching. Dimensions: Sheet: 30 × 22 in. (76.2 × 55.9 cm). Image Source: Philadelphia Museum of Art | — | ||||||
| 12/12/24 |  065. Who Is Perfectionism For? Channeling Audacious Visions Into 3 Phases of Creative Business Development | So who is perfectionism for? What stops us from hitting publish or inviting folks into an offer? Are we waiting for the somatic safety, self-trust, or sense of belonging we’ll magically feel on the other side of a new title, degree, or wave of applause? So often we stall, hesitate on pressing publish, resist releasing an offer we’ve already thought about so much we could design the entire thing in a weekend, because we want to project the patriarchal premise of expertise or “thought leadership”. But what if we centered our lived experience instead? Resources Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool Citations Transformer DC — E:17, “Zines” Program Ipsy Bipsy Studio “The Myth of the Expert Therapist: Dismantling Colonial and Classist Lies of Mastery” by @pat.radical.therapist Cover Art: Troy Montes-Michie, “From El Paso to Harlem: Troy Montes-Michie explores the subversive history of the zoot suit” published by Document Journal. Photography by Fujio Emura. “I think that’s what’s nice about the suit, because it was seen as this flamboyant, garish garment, but it had a function for dancing. The person wearing it needed that legroom so the seams wouldn’t burst.” — Troy Montes-Michie | — | ||||||
| 6/13/24 |  049. New Terms and Conditions with Ravon Ruffin Feliz | Recently I had the absolute honor of being in conversation with Seeda School alumni, Ravon Ruffin Feliz. Ravon who goes by she/they is a cyber anthropologist, writer, educator and founder of Citation Studio, a Black feminist experimental thinking studio mapping the possibilities of computing, archives, and nature with/on/for/at the internet. Born in Chicago, now based in the Bronx — she has worked in the arts and culture sector for 10+ years, tending to public engagements with art, archives and the internet, URL and AFK (away from keyboard). Ravon is also the steward of the “Glossary for an Anti-Colonial Black feminist Critical Media Ecology”, tenderly referred to as the ABC Glossary as a short hand. They are building the glossary inside “New Terms and Conditions”, a newsletter they launched in January of this year. In the Preface of New Terms and Conditions, they speak clearly stating, this is “an attempt to define terms like cloud, seed, garden, and data, that make visible the exploitation on our land, our resources, and our communities, and to address the exploitations that are hiding in plain-sight. and even more so, begin to liberate these terms from the lips of our oppressors.” Inside this Episode: Journey of Transformation Embodying Citational Practice Glossary as Black Method Notes on an Ecological Approach The Archive is Alive Resources: Follow Ravon’s Studio: Citation Studio Follow Ravon on Instagram: @arayveeohen Subscribe to Ravon’s Newsletter: New Terms and Conditions Connect to Ravon’s Are.na: Follow Their Research Channels Subscribe to Ravon’s YouTube Channel: The Moody Minimalist Download Seeda School’s Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself Subscribe to Seeda School's Newsletter for weekly essay and podcast releases straight into your inbox Follow Ayana on Instagram: @ayzaco Follow Seeda School on Instagram: @seedaschool | — | ||||||
| 12/15/23 | 032. Season of Surrender: Writing a Love Letter to Our Fear | All that running, until 2020 when I finally ran out of steam. Unhealthy work habits and a total lack of boundaries kept me distracted for years. In the absence of that distraction was nothing but the stillness, the silence, the darkness, the eyes patiently waiting for me to finally choose myself. On September 2nd, 2020 I submitted my letter of resignation and a 3 month sabbatical turned into two years. The season of surrender. Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire Subscribe to Seeda School Newsletter: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Seeda School Website: https://www.seedaschool.com/ Seeda School Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seedaschool/ | — | ||||||
| 12/7/23 | 031. Discover Your Creative Offer: A Workshop Podcast | What are our tools, frameworks and creative offers for helping each other navigate this wide open expanse? Worldbuilding is my framework, the Seed A World Retreat is my offering and “The Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself” is the tool I want to share today. Download your very own copy of the questionnaire using the link below! Inspired by “The Audre Lorde Questionnaire to Oneself” created by Divya Victor, “The Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself” walks you through four key questions whose answers intersect in ways that allow you to discover your income generating and values aligned offer. The offering that allows you to refuse severance inside your interdisciplinary practice by practicing surrender, spiritual alignment and relation instead. Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire The Audre Lorde Questionnaire to Oneself: https://divyavictor.com/the-audre-lorde-questionnaire-to-oneself/ Subscribe to Seeda School Newsletter: https://seedaschool.substack.com/ Seeda School Website: https://www.seedaschool.com/ Seeda School Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seedaschool/ | — | ||||||
| 1/12/23 |  007. 3 Affirmations for Self Compassion: Money Mindset, Recieving Love, and Perfectionism | (Loose) Transcript: 007. 3 Affirmations for Self Compassion Welcome to the Soft, Where? podcast where I talk about my journey toward finding softness inside technology. This podcast is presented by Seeda School, a skill building platform for learning how to code through a black feminist lens. I am currently offering 1:1 coaching for black feminists looking to develop a coding portfolio of 5 projects in 15 weeks. Visit http://seedaschool.com to book a free consultation call where we’ll hop on Zoom to discuss your web development goals and how Seeda School might be able to help. When I reflect on my 3 “biggest” and most recent struggles, the core struggle beneath them all is grappling with a sense of worthiness. For most of us, struggles with worthiness are seeded during childhood and while I won’t spend a whole lot of time talking childhood trauma I will get into the 3 growth areas I’m currently working through: Money Mindset, Receiving Love and Care, and Perfectionism. I will also share the new stories I’m telling myself rooted in worthiness, creating fertile soil for surrender and a harvest as wild and emergent as the love we’re cultivating for ourselves and each other. You can find this podcast in all major podcast apps. I invite you to take a screenshot and share it on social media or with other black feminists who are also on a journey of finding softness inside technology. | — | ||||||
| 1/6/23 |  006. 5 Year Reflection and Projection (2017-2027): Multiple New York Moves, Job Transitions, and $350 Rent | Soft, Where? is a weekly podcast and oral journal where I reflect on finding softness inside of software engineering. I invite you to reflect on the questions at the end of each episode in the comments or via email. Below you can find a loose outline and essay version of the episode to read while you listen or share screenshots of on social media.I also invite you to open this episode in apple podcasts or your preferred podcast streaming service. This makes it easy to take a screenshot and share it with friends, it also creates a private feed that is automatically updated when a new episode is released.ALSO LOL at me saying all you need is to record a Zoom room meeting to make a podcast then me having spotty internet and glitchy audio at the end. The hubris! The arrogance! The comedy! Please extend grace y’all and I hope you enjoy. IntroductionHopefully this podcast episode will serve as a personal reminder to trust the timing in all things.I’m currently in this business coaching program and one of the things they had us do is a check-in on our personal story and the stories we’re telling ourselves. This exercise is meant to emphasize we can CHOOSE the story we tell.Because this is a business coaching program and not a life or spiritual coaching program they had us reflect on what was going on in our career or business at a series of checkpoints in the past, present, and the milestones we hope to hit in the future. Based on when I’m completing the assignment, here are the checkpoints and milestones I’m working with:* 5 years ago (2017)* 3 years ago (2019)* 1 year ago (2021)* This year (2022)* 1 year from now (end of 2023)* 3 years from now (end of 2025)* 5 years from now (end of 2027)5 Years Ago (2017)* In January 2017 I attempted to relocate to New York for the 2nd time. I moved to New York. YAY! But not with enough money or a job to comfortably rent an apartment to support my mental health. Instead I was living in Bedstuy above a dive bar, inside a cluttered smelly apartment, living with a cat and a annoying roommate who didn't clean up after her cat.* In retrospect I’m ultimately thankful for this time because I learned I could move to a new city by myself and figure it out while learning the city lifestyle I did and did not desire.* From January to March 2017 I found a job as a restaurant manager, I was unknowingly incredibly depressed and was fired a few months later* After being fired from my job and having to move back home with my parents, in the spring instead of spending the rest of the year feeling sorry and embarrassed for myself, I doubled down on my dream at the time of becoming a fashion designer and got orders from a couple of my favorite boutiques. One of them being Sincerely, Tommy.* I took a chance and pitched the Brooklyn boutique on May 30th, 2017, on a wholesale partnership with Zaire Studio. I received an email back within minutes from the owner Kai, who wanted a lookbook, linesheet, and terms. My terms were accepted and I proceeded to cut, sew, and produce full size runs for their order from my parents living room and kitchen. I fulfilled the order by June 21st.* I spent the rest of the year working retail part-time at another one of the stores, Redeem to support myself outside of the income from Zaire Studio. (Shout out to Lori who supported and encouraged me during this time)3 Years Ago (BIG YEAR — 2019)* In 2019, I was inside another dream of mine: Living and working in Brooklyn teaching software engineering full-time. I took the lessons from 2017 and made sure I had a job and stable income before moving this time.* Toughest Moment: Once again living in New York and finding myself in the throws of overwhelming depression and anxiety, which came to a head when I had a sobbing mental breakdown in | — | ||||||
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