infp here, was in limerence for over 20 years

infp here, was in limerence for over 20 years

From Geek Psychology: Play Life Better by Matt Sherman

April 30, 2026 · 16 min

About this episode

Matt Sherman discusses the concept of limerence and how it affects INFPs, emphasizing the difference between love and obsession.

I spent 10 years obsessing over someone I barely knew. My brain kept her alive, replaying conversations that never actually happened. I thought it was love. It wasn't. I was addicted to my depiction of her in my mind. You aren't in love with them either. You're addicted to a ghost. This is limerence. And as INFPs, we're really good at building these internal representations—these NPCs in our minds that feel more real than actual people. Your introverted feeling tells you this connection is cosmic, that it's unique, that nobody understands the depth of what you share. But if you're obsessing over someone who isn't actually in your life, or whose actions don't match your intensity... that's not love. That's a chemical dependency on a fantasy. In this video, I break down: • What limerence actually is (and why it's not just a crush) • The "swooper" event and how the introject forms • Why your INFP cognitive functions make you incredible at building these obsessive fantasies • How your brain is choosing guaranteed dopamine hits over the messiness of reality • A specific mind wizardry technique to change the internal coding of this obsession The person in your head isn't the real them…

People in this episode

Host: Matt Sherman

Topics covered

  • limerence
  • INFP
  • obsession
  • mental health
  • fantasy
  • self-awareness

Keywords

  • limerence
  • INFP
  • obsession
  • fantasy
  • mental health
  • dopamine
  • self-improvement

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