How Not to Screw Up Your Kids

When your child looks at you and says, “I’m not good enough,” it hits you in the chest. Every instinct you have wants to fix it, to tell them they’re brilliant, to list every wonderful thing about them, to make the feeling go away. But if you’ve tried that, you already know it doesn’t work. They don’t believe you. They cry harder. They shut down. And you’re left wondering what on earth you’re supposed to say.In this episode, I’ll show you exactly what’s happening in your child’s brain in that moment, and why reassurance, however loving, cannot land.When a child says “I’m not good enough,” their emotional bucket is full. Their nervous system is overwhelmed. Their thinking brain is offline. You’re not talking to logic; you’re talking to a flooded body.I’ll walk you through the three tools that actually work: how to acknowledge the feeling so their guard comes down, how to shift them from a global identity statement to a specific moment, and how to help them empty their bucket so they can regulate again.These are simple, powerful steps you can use tonight - in the car, in the kitchen, or at bedtime - to help your child feel seen, safe and supported.If you’re tired of reassurance falling flat and you want a response that truly helps your child in their “I’m not good enough” spiral, this episode gives you the words, the sequence, and the science behind why they work.Highlights from this episode:01:09 - I’m Not Good Enough03:58 - Hear It First06:43 - Action Over Identity08:50 - Empty the Bucket💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If your child can spend 45 minutes sharpening pencils, rearranging their desk, or “revising” without absorbing a single thing, you are not imagining it - something is getting in the way of their concentration, and it’s not laziness or lack of effort.In this bucket emptying episode, I’ll show you why so many children struggle to focus, even when they’re trying, and why the strategies most parents rely on - timers, bribery, removing distractions - often don’t work. Drawing on the neuroscience shared by Professor Sam Wass in Thursday’s deeper‑dive episode, I’ll walk you through three practical, evidence‑based strategies you can use this week to transform how your child focuses.You’ll learn why stressed or anxious brains cannot concentrate, why understanding must come before focus, and why even a face‑down phone across the room can derail your child’s attention.Most importantly, you’ll come away with three simple tools that work with your child’s brain rather than against it so homework, revision, and everyday tasks finally feel doable again.If you’re exhausted by the battles and starting to wonder whether something is “wrong,” this episode will give you clarity, relief, and a plan that actually works.Highlights from this episode:01:14 - What Would Sam Do?02:45 - STRESS05:24 - Two Kinds of Concentration07:07 - Give the brain something to cling to09:05 - Understanding Before Focus11:59 - Screens are competing for your child’s attention - don’t let them win!14:25 - Watch out for these two things💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.