Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz

What happens when a child goes to shul… but never develops a taste for tefillah?In this deeply honest episode of Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the tension every parent feels between obligation and connection. Is “good chinuch” just getting children to sit quietly in shul — or helping them discover something that genuinely touches their soul?Through the lens of chush ha’ta’am — a child’s inner sense of taste and emotional connection — this shiur opens up difficult but essential questions about parenting, authenticity, fear, and what children actually experience when they walk into a beit knesset.Along the way, Rav Shlomo speaks about compliments, expectations, honesty in religious life, the emotional memory of shul, and why the question “How was davening?” may not be enough.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Dedication for the Shiur01:01 Humility Needed in Parenting Approaches02:46 Introducing Chush HaTa’am Concept in Parenting04:26 Taking Children to Shul: The Routine05:35 Assessing the Child’s Reaction After Shul08:30 When Kids Can Read Yet Miss the Meaning10:48 Probing the Real Source of Shul Enjoyment21:18 Role of Compliments in Encouraging Shul Attendance23:24 Why Kids Need a Taste for Prayer24:50 Balancing Obligations and Personal Experience26:20 Adults Also Struggle with Shul Attendance30:25 Modeling Joy in Shul for Kids35:04 Unrealistic Expectations for Young Children40:26 Honesty About Personal Shul Struggles43:51 Fear vs. Authentic Parenting in Religion45:10 When Answers Aren’t Satisfying46:23 Isidor Rabi’s Deep Question to Children47:35 Creating Spaces for Children’s Insight49:37 Authenticity and Consistency Across Life51:08 Modern Orthodoxy Identity Split52:30 Family Tradition of Sitting Together54:00 Changing Seats After Mourning55:16 Rashi’s Query on Recounting Names

There’s a question every home faces almost every day. “What’s for dinner?”It sounds simple. Maybe even trivial. But in this shiur, Rav SHlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David uncover how that question is actually a gateway into one of the deepest יסודות of parenting.What happens when a child says, “I don’t like this”? Do we push? Do we ignore? Do we accommodate?Rav Shlomo opens up a completely different דרך — one that doesn’t get stuck on the food at all, but sees it as an expression of something much deeper: a child’s עולם הרגשות.We explore: Why suppressing a child’s preferences may “work”… but at a cost The difference between acknowledging and indulging How food becomes a language for emotional expression Why children must first feel seen before they can be guided And how to hold the tension between גבולות and רגישות ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tChapters00:00 Opening Greeting and Shabbat Blessing01:14 Sponsor Acknowledgments and Memorial Tributes02:52 Importance of Children’s Emotional World03:58 Core Parenting Question: What’s for Dinner?05:09 Two Dinner Strategies: Individual vs Uniform06:57 Analyzing the Textual Example on Food09:51 The Snake’s Curse and Taste Concept10:53 God-given Sense of Taste Explained19:28 Acknowledging Children’s Food Preferences21:39 Extending Taste Principle Beyond Food24:00 Masking Deeper Issues Behind Food Preferences25:48 Parenting Book Review and Khush Ha-Ta'am27:30 Shul Leadership vs Parental Authority29:07 Children's Meal Requests Reveal Emotional Needs30:13 Managing Multiple Dinner Options for Kids32:13 Gift of Midrash Iyov and Hidden Messages45:42 Questioning Suppressing a Child's Taste Preferences46:57 Importance of Recognizing Child's Feelings First48:08 Taste of Love Over Food49:30 Generational Differences in Emotional Acknowledgment50:55 Daily Meal Acknowledgment Practice52:27 Guiding Eating Habits Through Lenatev

This week’s shiur comes with a warning: parenting is triggering because it not only exposes our children’s inner world, it exposes ours.Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about the three garments of the soul—thought, speech, and action— and apply it to a core parenting question: How do we build our child’s world of emotions in a healthy, Torah-aligned way?We explore what it can look like when a parent is emotionally blocked (chasum), how that can echo through marriage, friendships, and even one’s relationship with Hashem—and why “being frum” is not the same thing as emotional closeness. Along the way, we touch on attachment theory (including Rabbi Yaakov Danishefsky’s Attached), the difference between “open” and “everything goes,” and why chinuch isn’t only about fixing negative emotions—but also about actively building confidence, love, and joy.Takeaway: Emotional safety isn’t permissiveness. It’s a home where the child can grow and where feelings can be named, held, and guided… without shutting the child down or turning the home into a free-for-all.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Memorial Acknowledgments01:23 Trigger Warning and Parenting Focus02:37 Three Garments of the Soul04:59 Emotional Blockage in Parents08:29 Childhood Origins of Emotional Closure11:09 Open vs Closed Emotional States14:43 Illusion of Spiritual Closeness16:49 Attachment Theory and the Book “Attached”21:04 Scope of Emotional Education48:20 Psychologists vs Parental Duty in Child Development49:25 Common Questions and Experience of Seasoned Parents51:32 Beyond Negative Emotions: Building Confidence and Joy53:37 Love and Joy as Part of Chinuch55:03 Conclusion and Next Session Plans

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David move from “Do they feel our love?” to something even more subtle, and often more powerful: do they live inside our loving thoughts?Building on the classic Chassidic framework of the three “garments” of the soul, machshava (thought), dibbur (speech), and ma’aseh (action), we explore three ways love is revealed, and why most homes naturally excel at action (providing, doing), struggle with speech (saying it clearly), and almost completely overlook thought.A striking line lands hard: a child’s inner voice is shaped less by what we say… and more by what we consistently think. We unpack the “telepathic” reality kids pick up on, why negative bias hijacks our minds, and why pure machshava can be the deepest gift that quietly changes everything downstream.Along the way, we connect it to Ahavat Hashem, bringing Maimonides (Rambam): “m’derech ha’ohavim… she’hem choshevim b’ahavah” — it’s the way of lovers to think in love.This week’s avodah: notice what “invades” your loving thoughts… and practice returning to the simple, holy sentence: “Of course I love my child.”----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tCHAPTERS00:00 Opening and Sponsor Acknowledgments01:39 Thought, Speech, Action Sequence03:10 Three Ways to Express Love05:35 Parental Investment in the Three Garments06:37 Importance of Thinking Before Speaking08:23 The Heart’s Role and “Opening Your Heart”12:14 Why Parents Excel in Action13:58 Why Speech Needs Improvement17:55 Why Thought Is Almost Absent22:52 Does Thinking Love Actually Matter?25:46 Machshava as Tefillah and Presence28:56 “A Child’s Inner Voice Is What I Think”32:57 Why Machshava Feels Unmeasurable36:44 Thinking Love From the Child’s Existence41:27 Thoughts That Expand Space vs. Clog It43:56 Why We Struggle With “Free” Love-Thoughts46:22 How Pain/Judgment Invade Love-Thoughts48:08 Machshava as the Core of the Soul50:09 Parenting with Pure Thought: Guarding the Heart51:25 Next Steps: Focus on This Week’s Study

Do our kids know we love them… but still not always feel it?Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David take on one of the most sensitive (and real) parenting questions: a parent can be full of love — and a child can still experience “You don’t love me.” How does that happen?Building off last week’s foundation (that a parent’s love can’t be “perfect” in the way we wish it could be), we explore:Why a child’s inner world often works in all-or-nothing terms (“If it’s not 100%, it’s nothing”)How “You hate me” is rarely about facts — and almost always about experienceThe Chassidic idea that inside a “sheker” there can be a spark of truth to redeem (instead of reacting defensively)Why the first move isn’t “fix it” — it’s finding the shoresh (where the feeling is coming from)And we end with a powerful next step for the series: the importance of verbal love — bituy miluli — especially for parents who struggle to express what they deeply feel.A shiur about love, truth, and building a home where children can walk with a real “shield of love”, even when life gets messy.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_tChapters00:00 Opening & Sponsorship Acknowledgements01:26 Today’s Question: Do Children Feel Our Love?04:39 Three Types of Parental Responses05:51 Why Kids Don’t Always Experience Love08:28 Validating Feelings vs Arguing Facts 09:32 What to Do When a Child Says “You Hate Me”11:15 Find the Source Before Trying to Fix15:24 The Assumption: The Feeling Isn’t “Factually True”17:42 The Spark of Truth Inside a Child’s “Sheker”22:30 Where Real Insight Comes From 23:35 End-of-Life Regrets: Work vs Home 24:45 The Pride of Providing — and What Kids Still Need 26:16 Obligation vs Love (and how kids read it) 28:01 If Love Were “Perfect,” Kids Would Feel It Naturally 33:31 The Weak Spot: Where Kids Find “Proof” You Don’t Love Them 36:47 The “Love Funnel” and Why Leaks Change Everything 43:38 Next Week: The Power of Verbal Love 44:41 Personal Story: A Home of Tears & Expression 45:59 The Airport Handshake Moment 47:12 Why That Handshake Stayed for 20+ Years 48:34 Closing + Hope for the Week

In this new perek of Da Es Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go straight at a question that sounds “too obvious” to even ask: why do parents need to love their children? And then they flip it. Because love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the soul’s nourishment.From there, they go even deeper: love isn’t only what keeps a child emotionally alive. It’s the “pipeline” that makes chinuch possible. Without a vessel of love, guidance and discipline don’t land. They spill.With a powerful mashal (Kinneret water needs a pipe) and a sharp Torah from the Mishkan (Moshe vs. Betzalel: build the structure before the tools), this shiur reframes parenting: don’t start with tactics. Start by building the home’s foundation of love, so everything else actually reaches your child.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.Together we learn:The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”Practical takeaways:Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz invites us to re-examine the core of chinuch: can a parent be both moreh (teacher) and chaver (friend) without blurring roles? We return to last week’s kesher nafshi (soul-bond) and learn why natural love alone isn’t the funnel—mutuality is. Around ages 12–13, many children feel, “You love me, but you don’t understand me.” The work now is to move from “I care about you” (אכפת לי) to “I’m genuinely interested in you” (מעניין אותי)—from giving gifts we think they need to discovering the gift they actually yearn for.Together we learn:Why ahavah tiv’it (natural love) cannot replace a two-way kesher nafshi, and how that bond becomes the only reliable “funnel” for values to land.The shift from top-down instructions to du-siach (two-way conversation) that dignifies a growing child.“Chinuch al pi darko” as practice: joining your child’s world so Torah can join their story—and stay there.The “gift mistake”: giving from our map instead of their needs, and how to do a gentle birur ha-ratzon (clarifying what they want and what we want).The Chafetz Chaim at home: the recipe is parent-as-teacher and parent-as-friend—without surrendering boundaries.Practical takeaways:Ten minutes of curiosity: This week, ask about one thing they care about (music, friend, game, class). No fixing; mirror back what you heard.Switch the verb: Say out loud, “It’s not only that I care, I’m interested. Teach me.” Then listen twice as long as you speak.Name the age-shift: Tell a 12+ child, “I don’t want to love you like a toddler. Help me love you like you are now.”Funnel check before mussar: Ask, “Do we have a kesher right now?” If not—build it first, speak short and warm after.Friend + Parent, not either/or: Clarify one boundary you’ll keep with consistency and kindness (tone, timing, devices)—so friendship never erases guidance.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz continues our journey in Know Your Children toward a deeper parent–child bond—נפשו קשורה בנפשו / kesher nafshi—a two-way soul connection modeled by Yaakov and Binyamin. We review the “personalized funnel” of chinuch for each child and revisit the two loves that start every home—ahavah tiv’it (rooted in existence) and ahavah mutenet (shaped by traits)—then ask: how do we grow beyond one-way love into a shared inner bond without slipping into favoritism, enmeshment, or blurred boundaries?Together we learn:Why every child demands a unique funnel from our heart to theirs—and why it begins with knowing ourselves.The limits of one-way love (newborn stage and trait-based affection) and the promise of two-sided connection.What “kesher nafshi” isn’t: dependency, replacing clear expectations, or making our child responsible for our feelings.How to model kibbud av va’em, set invitations (not ultimatums), and keep the family as the first lab for reciprocal relationships.Seeing our children inside Nishmat Kelal Yisrael—love that holds the individual and the bigger picture.Practical takeaways:This week, offer one “invitation without expectation” for connection (walk, note, shared task) tailored to that child’s language of love.Before correction, ask: Am I speaking from ahavah tiv’it or from my need to feel loved? Adjust tone accordingly.Name and protect boundaries that keep closeness healthy (sleep, devices, respectful speech), so kesher can grow safely.L’ilui nishmat Batya Feiga bat Yisrael, Levi ben Yosef; for refuah sheleimah of Aliza Chana bat Naomi—tachat sha’arei shamayim.For more Shiurim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz’s WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz takes last week’s funnel and makes it practical. It’s not enough to have powerful Torah and holy intentions—if the צינור, the pipeline between parent and child, has leaks, what we’re trying to pour in never really arrives.Together we learn:The bridge before the message: why “content of chinuch” is stage two, and stage one is building a genuine bridge of trust and safety.Two channels that actually land: ma’aseh (personal example lived with simchah) and dibbur (speaking in a way that can be received—be’ofen hamitkabel).Age-gap wisdom: how to match language to a child’s kelî kibbul (capacity), and why over-pouring causes shut-down.Emet, Simchah, Savlanut: the core middot that seal the leaks—humility to listen, honesty to live what we say, and patience to pace what we give.From teaching to mesirah: “Moshe kibel… umesarah l’Yehoshua”—chinuch is not lecturing; it’s transmitting, intact, heart to heart.A tefillah approach: why we daven while we learn parenting Torah, so the words don’t stay ideas—they become life.Practical takeaways:Identify one “leak” in your pipeline (tone, timing, vocabulary, pace) and patch it this week.Share one value in child-level language and model it with a small, joyful action before you explain it.End the day with a 30-second tefillah for the bridge between you and each child.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t