About this episode

Carl and Laura answer common questions from couples in recovery about forgiveness, triggers, relapse, and the role of alcohol in recovery.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com We're home in Virginia Beach and back in the mailbag. In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura take on four of the most common questions couples in recovery keep sending in. Not the surface-level questions. The ones people ask when they trust the answer is going to be honest. The first: is forgiveness the same as reconciliation? The couples who get stuck here almost always confuse the two, and it costs them years. The second: how do you tell the difference between a real danger sign and old trauma firing again? Laura walks through the exact tool she uses to defuse a trigger in real time before it hijacks the whole conversation. The third: what do you do when the fear of relapse becomes its own weight in the marriage, and are ultimatums ever a good idea? Carl gets honest about his own slip-up five months into recovery, why they've thrown out the word "relapse" entirely, and the honesty system that carried them through: a 24-hour rule that eventually became a daily check-in. The fourth: does alcohol help or hurt long-term recovery, and how do you know when it's crossed the line from social to self-medicating? You'll…

People in this episode

Hosts: Carl Lentz, Laura

Topics covered

• forgiveness
• reconciliation
• triggers
• relapse
• alcohol
• couples in recovery

Keywords

• forgiveness
• reconciliation
• triggers
• relapse
• alcohol
• couples
• recovery

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: Virginia Beach

More episodes of Lights On with Carl Lentz

• Four Myths about Betrayal We Need to Stop Believing · September 7, 2026 · 40 min
• The Three Listener Questions Every Betrayed Spouse Needs to Hear · August 24, 2026 · 40 min
• The marriage questions people are afraid to ask out loud · August 17, 2026 · 56 min
• How to actually change the climate of your home · August 10, 2026 · 40 min
• How to encourage your spouse in a way they actually feel · August 3, 2026 · 32 min
• Why criticism is quietly killing your marriage (and what to try instead) · July 27, 2026 · 48 min

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the Lights On with Carl Lentz podcast page.