About this episode

Carl and Laura discuss the importance of genuine apologies in maintaining healthy relationships and how criticism can harm marriages.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Most people have never been taught how to apologize. And the ones who have often learned to do it in a way that quietly protects themselves instead of repairing anything. In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura get honest about what a real apology actually looks like, why it's the single most important skill in a healthy relationship, and how a broken one has kept some of the best marriages stuck in the same fight for decades. Carl and Laura walk through the tension almost every apology creates: needing to defend, needing to explain, needing to remind them of the ways they hurt you too. Any of it is enough to sink the whole thing. Laura opens up about the moments she stayed silent when she shouldn't have, and how that shaped a version of herself she doesn't want to be anymore. Carl gets direct with anyone still leading their apologies with the phrase that undoes every one of them: "I'm sorry, but..." You'll hear the reframe that changes everything: the goal of an apology isn't a resolution, it's a genuine acknowledgment of hurt. You'll hear why over-apologizing is just as toxic as never apologizing, why some of us…

People in this episode

Hosts: Carl Lentz, Laura

Topics covered

• marriage
• apology
• relationships
• communication
• conflict resolution

Keywords

• apology
• marriage
• relationships
• communication
• conflict
• healthy relationships
• criticism

Mentioned in this episode

Organizations: B-Side

More episodes of Lights On with Carl Lentz

• Four Myths about Betrayal We Need to Stop Believing · September 7, 2026 · 40 min
• Forgiveness, Triggers, Relapse, and Alcohol: Your Questions Answered · August 31, 2026 · 46 min
• The Three Listener Questions Every Betrayed Spouse Needs to Hear · August 24, 2026 · 40 min
• The marriage questions people are afraid to ask out loud · August 17, 2026 · 56 min
• How to actually change the climate of your home · August 10, 2026 · 40 min
• How to encourage your spouse in a way they actually feel · August 3, 2026 · 32 min

Explore listener stats, chart rankings, contacts and more on the Lights On with Carl Lentz podcast page.