Lost in Txtlation

Modern dating is fantastic if people knew how to use it properly. But alas, 98% of the population prefers to follow the road traveled to get to Point B from A. So finding someone who uses it in a unique way is often hard to find. And before you get upset that I am putting people into a bubble of generic, scroll through profiles, count the words: “sarcasm, travel, family, friends, and iPhone” Everyone is a fucking professional rock climber, with 1 million frequent flier miles, with stock in lulu lemon and sunsets. Tell me something I don’t know already, and I get interested. Tell me your day wasn’t “Good, thanks” or that more than “nothing much” is up and you have my attention. So while yes I do think bringing a flower to a date is quite nice, I do not believe we have to go back in time to get he most out of the world in front of us. But we do need to embrace things out of our comfort zone to allow these apps to work and integrate the benefits of traditional methods for a beautiful hybrid. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/mycomicreleifisonvacation/

What would I describe love as? Or perhaps better put what would I describe the feeling I yearn for from another in my life? I suppose my ears could tell you through the voice of a beautiful song. The way the tone resonates through my heart and body. The tremble the sound carries to my ear drums that shake my body and cause my hairs to stand on end. The sound filling your whole body, unable to make out the words, but just register the feeling it causes you. When we meet a person, even if it is the FIRST time, or we see a picture of them, or hear their voice on the phone, or understand one of their opinions, I believe, even though I can only speak for myself, we picture them in every situation that defines a family, a life together, coming home to them, how they will be with possible children, waking up next to them, having to sleep next to them every night and not having your OWN bed. I believe this almost primordial instinct is natural and we should not be afraid because of stigmas against it to think about it or even discuss it, but not to lay it out step by step, or think that we are pushing too far into the future with these thoughts, but just consider it part of that first impression, and just take it day by day. It will become more obvious as time goes on, and time is really the only thing that can really shine this brightly. So think it but understand we all have more than just a few thoughts in our head at once, and while these may sound huge, they are just a beginning of a transformation of the mind to looking at the other person as a possible part of your life. I believe instincts are very important to be followed and usually followed right away. I suppose not being afraid and thinking of a relationship as something you jump head into to see if it works because god knows how long we have to just BE, so why not find out if you are someone I want to even kiss in the first place, instead of putting the kiss before hand in order to know you. Then either take the small emotional hit if it doesn’t work out and be friends or not, or perhaps something more will appear. I cannot say my past relationships have not been a deciding factor in how I react to the next one. But to treat the next person as just that, a different person, someone who isn’t another but them, and to respect what it is THEY are. To know there are similarities with everyone, but everyone is UNIQUE. This is true with everything that “affects” us in life, so like the song that fills your head with sweet sounds giving you that puppy love feeling, unable to hear the words of the actual song, let it help you, let it guide you through that beginning blindness and find the picture you are looking for. And perhaps you will walk into the gallery seeing something that truly is something you would pay a ridiculous amount of money just to have it hanging in your house, or kindly thank the receptionist and walk out of the gallery, not afraid to explore the hidden meaning in all the other art being offered around you. ⁠https://www.lostintxtlation.com/she-is-better-than-the-girl-of-my-dreams-she-is-2/⁠

One of the things I had to learn in life that has been instrumental in building me as a human being has been the ability to tell people when something bothers me at the time of it bothering me. We all have some baggage. We all have bad experiences. But we also don’t know these things when we are new to one another. Exploration is part of getting to know someone... ...please feel free to step on all my mines. Just know I have learned over time, to let you know at the time of explosion, what just happened, why it happened, what it makes me feel like, and how I would prefer we approach it in the future. And if you have a suggestion of your own as well, please feel free to chime in and I will do the same for you! Afterall, even though with all the left and right swipes of people we can bring in and out of our lives, we are both getting to know one another for the first time uniquely. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/mindful-explanations/

My mother always told me to “wait, be patient, love would come to you”. If and when I hear this today, I can’t help but think this is the furthest idea from the truth. Either it is my innate need to rebel against my mother’s advice or it is my sense of self being defined enough to know that the “Love will find you” is not the love I want. I do not strive for the staple white picket fence, mortgage, two kids, and flat screen TV 2 inches bigger than my neighbors. My white picket fence is not a place or a thing, it is a feeling, a way of being. My “hallmark family” is defined by how we live our lives and treat the world around us, not building up a literal and metaphysical wall to create a new world, isolated from the paved street filled with other’s also hiding in their own homes, feet from one another. My ideal love is able to live in the world in front of me, to be present for the ups and downs, and to feel everyday as intensely as the last. I have written many things about two people’s timeline’s and how that can affect your ability to love and that once you do love that love alone, is not enough. I think for the rare few, maybe love will find them, but for the rest of us, it take's work, not crunch your next deadline at your job work, but remembering their birthday work and making moments in time, by giving up some of your time, work. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/love-will-find-you-but-stop-hiding/

I saw an image that depicted what society thinks to be love between a woman and a man. The heart is located in the mans crotch and the woman's heart is in the chest, but next to it, it has the “reality”: The mans heart in his chest and the woman's in her head. For me love has always started in my mouth. I talk about my life, my experiences, my stories, and my thoughts of the day to see how it hits the significant others mind. To see how she processes my spew. From there my heart begins to go to my eyes and brain. My brain watches her to see how she handles social situations, herself, if she is independent, co-dependent, emotionally connected, likes, dislikes. If we pickup on the same things around us. The ability to say “Did you just see…” and her to turn to me going, “OMG HIS HAIR WAS ON FIRE!” Social media is causing a new level of social disconnection and intricacy to dating. It is causing us to look into the past of someone else’s experiences forgetting the most important idea; the idea of making our own memories. Expecting to get what we see as if we are shopping for a doll or buying tickets to a movie we just saw the preview for. Going home after a date and looking at the past life of the person you just spent real time with instead of thinking of the night you just had, instead replaying the preview for the movie again. We are choosing to live off a post or status update of the one we are with rather than picking up the phone and hearing the persons voice, letting that warm our hearts and meeting up to make our own social media pasts. The worst part is we don’t know when it is happening. It is this sub-division of a relationship that we have no knowledge of until it is brought up. Our profiles exist even while we sleep, so 24/7 the other person can be spending time with “you” without you even knowing, unable to respond, react, or give the subsequent emotional context via expressions or inflections. The definition of Lost in Txtlation. We are accessible to those we love at every moment of every day, and I don’t think that is such a good thing. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. We are suffocating our significant others without even knowing it. Instead of scrolling through the past photos of someone on social media after a good date, living through a curated version of that person that may no longer be applicable to the person you met, rewinding our own imagination of the evening, and letting songs like Maria from West Side Story write themselves in our head til we next meet. Instead of scrolling through the past photos of someone on social media after a good date, living through a curated version of that person that may no longer be applicable to the person you met, rewinding our own imagination of the evening, and letting songs like Maria from West Side Story write themselves in our head til we next meet. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/socks-and-underwear/

I find myself learning more and more about my securities and defenses. I often consider myself someone without walls, which is true to a point, but then I see an act, albeit a very sincere one, being played out in front of me at times. My own mouth the main actor. I could tell you I think sharing a lot right away is refreshing, a breath of fresh air, and the way I expect to see things; but there is a chance I get rejected from that idea or judged. While that judgement would be an accurate way for me to assess a relationship, in a deal breaker sense, I have created these “explanations” or “stories” that one would tell their boss on a sick day, instead of just saying “I don’t want to come in today, my work is done, I need a day off”. It beats around the truth in the way a Fool jests the truth, making it acceptable to be laughed off or listened to intently. I have found the “formula” for relaying my own beliefs so that the person in front of me can be “impressed” instead of judgemental. I have figured out how to pad myself from rejection or snap judgements. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/convincing-explanations/

Why should we not talk to those we meet along the way about our past, including past relationships as long as we are sensitive to how we present it. Such as what I learned yesterday... ...I learned something important about what I need in a future relationship by leaning into the inevitable feelings you will have after a breakup with another relationship. It doesn’t matter the day, the time, the place. Your brain sometimes tells you: “today you will be sad” and you can either fight it or go with it. I have been leaning toward going with it as of late. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/embracing-the-past-verbalizing-the-present/

Why is it that we find it necessary to carry on multiple relationships rather than taking our time with one. If you are interested in a person, then perhaps you should take the time from your life to enjoy that moment. Why multi task a pleasure filled activity such as human connection.... ....So if you mix a strawberry with a banana, you will taste the strawberry not he banana. If you mix a lemon with a lime you will not know which is sour and which is sweet. So all food aside, why not, instead of rushing to perfection, take a blind, exciting leap. But without your eyes shut, and able to see the ledge ahead, because you know, if the taste is not to your palette, you can always find another treat. The food, didn't hurt you, it just refined your palette. Food may rot, and life grow old, but happiness is forever, don't let go. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/as-time-goes-on-the-apple-rotstitle-pending/

Disclaimer: apparently this is about as vulnerable as I can be with my writing because I met someone a long time ago, we slept together, and they said afterwards, "Wow that was just like what you wrote". Never have I felt so naked before in my life, while being naked haha. With the current trend of books like 50 Shades of Grey hitting the top selling lists, you would think we would all just throw each other in cuffs, a blindfold, and have mind blowing sex the minute tensions arise. But like that book, life is filled with typos and awkward moments... ...So I am here, stumbling through my love life, and OK with it. Those imperfections, that struggle, that is what makes it worthwhile. Those moments when you get that tiny bit of validation, confirmation, two minds as one, and you literally smile from the inside out… I may have a moment where I am a stallion or a moment where I am a broken mare, but each moment is beautiful for what it is; sharing an intimacy with someone you hope will share it back, and each day that intimacy turns more into familiarity, that face when you are so close your noses touch becomes something you wish you could get a prescription glass to see it more clearly, and that person becomes someone who you look at and think, “It is OK to tell them about my 51st Shade of Grey”, so that familiarity doesn’t become stagnation or routine or a power play. Call it what you will: love making, fucking, first times, last times, they all are part of a process. I was once told through a message on my dating profile, "hmmm… This guy is a little too honest." … Then I thought, "I use to be that honest… When did that become a bad thing?" https://www.lostintxtlation.com/the-first-time-lets-be-awkward-together/

Don't compromise on yourself, on who you are, and on how you date. But when you do meet that person who is right for you, remember this... Compromise is a beautiful thing we done by the actual definition, but do it by the socially accepted viewpoint and it has a tendency to break you down. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/define-compromise/

I am tired of this paradigm of “I want to feel protected by my man”. Now don't be fooled by this sentence, it doesn't mean I do not believe you shouldn't protect someone and your partner should not feel protected! If the guy was raised with any morals or compass for good, of course he is going to fight for you and “protect you”. It is an instinct. It is the difference between standing on the road side of your girlfriend when holding hands while walking down the sidewalk versus not. It is something built into the core of our beings, we fight for the things we love. But being Chivalrous and Caring is just gestures it isn’t a partnership. It isn’t an equality. Just because I make you feel safe, doesn’t mean you make me feel loved. If anything you wanting to just lay in my arms feeling safe has a strong ability to make me feel empty. https://www.lostintxtlation.com/im-not-your-bodyguard-i-am-your-boyfriend/

I have heard before that this blog has helped people. Actually without a doubt, 90% - 95% of people who have read the list of links in “Love is Not Enough” in the menu above, have been able to separate from a bad relationship within 5 days of reading it. So what does that mean? Does that make me a “Life Coach”.. I don’t think so whatsoever. That someone related to something I wrote is a great bi-product of me writing this journal for myself with the intent of others reading. Sometimes you just need to hear the things you are thinking being said out loud by someone else. Nothing original, but something that you can relate to. Today I heard this quote... https://www.lostintxtlation.com/the-law-of-relativity/