Love Over Addiction

We lay in bed at night and dream about what life would be like if we left the ones we desperately love who struggle with addiction. What would living without constant worry feel like? How would we deal with our finances, the kids, and no one to laugh with on holidays? Sometimes, imagining leaving feels so freeing (especially when they are not answering their phones or are passed out on the couch). But the next moment, it can be absolutely terrifying, thinking of being alone and the anger and judgment we might face. So, how does it really feel once we've moved on? https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

How would it feel if I said we need to live a life that isn't dependent on our loved one's sobriety? And if we can create that kind of life, we can have a happy future if they get sober or not. We can learn to live with or without our partners. Here's the loving truth: we hope and pray that our loved ones will not drink too much or stop using drugs and start being faithful. But when we put our lives on hold, hoping they will keep their promise of remaining sober and stopping their bad habits, we are leaving our happiness in their hands. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

"Should I leave my partner?" What a big question. And let's be honest, it's a question that many women in this community have. Let's first start off by saying thinking about leaving is nothing to be ashamed of. We're doing the right thing by looking for answers, even though it's hard. The state of our relationships is not our fault. We fell in love with someone who really struggles with a very tragic and common issue. We love them. We see their potential. And we would do anything if the ones we love just got healthy. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

When I was married to a good man who suffered from addiction, I was terrified of leaving him. I thought about leaving all the time; I think part of me always knew, we would end up in divorce, but the idea of actually leaving paralyzed me with fear. There were times I was so upset I would try to will myself to leave, but for many reasons, I was always unable to walk away from a very unhealthy relationship. I thought, "Am I stuck in this marriage forever? Do I really have the courage to take my kids and leave?" https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive. When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that's the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don't need to stand there and take it - but we also don't need to take the bait. Instead, we can remove ourselves from the situation. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

The word surrender is used a lot in the world of addiction. One of the things that always bothered me was that I was constantly being told that I needed to "let go and surrender," but I never really understood how. The word surrender to me means letting go of my emotional investment in a certain outcome. Surrender doesn't mean we stop loving or caring. Another way of looking at how to "let go" is to think about the opposite of surrendering. What's the opposite of surrendering? Controlling. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

Your loved one might seem put together on the outside. Most men and women who drink too much or suffer from substance abuse disorder hold good jobs and earn a good living. Most of the time, they can help take care of the kids and household duties. And because they are so high-functioning, it can leave you feeling nervous about sharing with friends and family just how bad things have become. In this episode, we explore three of the reasons why we don't talk about addiction and our loved one. https://michelleanderson.substack.com/

Let's be honest, not many people know what to do with our feelings of deep loneliness or constant anxiety when it comes to our relationships. And very well-intentioned people can give some really hurtful advice. Find the full show notes and join in the conversation: https://michelleanderson.substack.com

Whether your loved one suffers from addiction or not, having trust in your relationship is essential. Right? Because without it, you'll most likely start to feel frustrated or even stuck. But if you entered this relationship with any trust issues from your past, it's important to make your healing a priority. And you're not going to be able to do that if you're looking to your partner to help you feel better. So, how do you start to build back trust? Is it even possible? Tune in to this week's episode, where I share some tips (and examples) that you can start to apply to your life right now. Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/trust-yourself/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com This classic episode previously aired in January 2021.

When you think about the relationship with your partner who struggles with addiction, have there been times you've questioned yourself about why you've stayed so long? And if so, what keeps pulling you back in even though it's not a healthy situation? This is something a brave woman in our community shared with me recently that many people will most likely be able to relate to. Tune in for this new podcast interview to hear how trauma bonds kept this woman from leaving an unhealthy relationship (and whether or not she's still with her partner). Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/trauma-bond/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

Loving someone with addiction can sometimes make you feel like you're spinning out of control, can't it? One moment you're feeling joy and hope, only to have it turn to fear and anger pretty quickly. And listen, you're not alone. We've been there and completely understand. But the good news is that you can make it feel less and less like a roller coaster ride when dealing with your loved one. Tune in to this week's episode to hear how to stop spiraling, as well as to make sure you're moving forward in your own recovery. Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/roller-coaster/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com This classic episode originally aired in August 2020

If you've moved on from your relationship with someone who struggles with addiction (or have been thinking about it), have you wondered what 'life after leaving' looks like? Or what would dating again be like? That might seem a little scary, right? I recently spoke with a woman in our community who was very brave and open about what this has been like for her. Tune in for this new podcast episode to hear a great conversation about starting over, what dating again looks like, and how there actually ARE some blessings of addiction. Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/dating-after-leaving/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com

If you've gone back and forth on possibly leaving your loved one who struggles with addiction, what's holding you back from doing so? If one of the reasons is that you're afraid they might get better after you leave, just know you're not alone. But I want to share some loving truths with you, okay? Tune in to this week's new episode to hear several more clues that you may be ready to leave your relationship (even if you're still unsure right now). Find more here: https://loveoveraddiction.com/what-if-they-get-better-after-you-leave/ Join us here: https://loveoveraddiction.com